


beloved of john, i get it all wrong

by theunimaginable



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abusive Parent, Angst, Anxiety, But also, Closeted Relationship, Established Relationship, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, Very abusive!!, abusive household, be careful guys, sometimes, verbal and physical abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-03 10:44:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10243022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theunimaginable/pseuds/theunimaginable
Summary: So here's John's life: he's stuck in a house with a homophobic, terrible father; he's trying to save his siblings from the wrath of said terrible father by taking the brunt of it; he's fake dating his friend, once again due to said terrible father and he's got a boyfriend that his father would mostly likely kill him over if he found out.Hey, he never claimed that his life was a rom-com.





	1. everyone hates henry laurens

"Jack! You have fifteen minutes before I need to leave and if you want me to drive you to school then I'd suggest you get up _now_."

John woke with a start as his father shouted at him from the hallway, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as Henry stalked around outside of his door.

"Sorry, dad, mornin'." he grumbled as he waked past him and into the bathroom, his father huffing when he didn't stop to greet him properly. 

"The kids have already left, Jack, I'll be downstairs. You have 13 minutes!" he shouted as John rolled his eyes, turning to continue getting ready. He sighed, taking a look at himself in the mirror, hands flitting over his freckles and dark circles. 

_What a joy today will be_ , he thought bitterly, shaking his head before moving back into the bedroom to get changed. He flung his clothes over his body carelessly, followed by cologne and grabbed his school bag before running downstairs to get some food before his dad could drive off without him (which, knowing Henry Laurens, he definitely would).

He made it out into the car with 55 seconds to spare, his father unamused and tapping his watch, very clearly unimpressed.

"Well I made it down before the 15 minutes were up." John shrugged bravely, and Henry rolled his eyes before emerging out of the driveway.

"And what are your classes today?" Henry began, his usual array of small talk (or more like interrogation, some of his friends would argue) already boring John.

"Homeroom, English, Calc, History and Art." John replied routinely.

"And will you be seeing Martha at all today?"

"Yes, father. I mean, she is my girlfriend after all." He answered stiffly, shoulders tensing but not quite noticeably enough to catch his fathers attention.

"Good good my boy!"

The rest of the ride passed with a shrewd silence, the type that John had grown accustomed to. He turned to face the window, watching as the other cars drove past. The South Carolinian sun shone down, warming John's cheeks as he let his eyes slip shut for the remainder of the ride.

When he opened them, the car was halting to a stop, and his father was handing him his phone and all but shoving him out of his car.

"Have a nice day Jacky. Oh and, for the love of god, _behave_ yourself." He drove off before John could even get in a goodbye.

 

-

 

"John! Why didn't you replied to any of my texts last night asshole." Alexander scowled as John took his seat next to him in homeroom, Lafayette and Hercules turning around in their seats with mild concern as well.

"I'm sorry, my dad was on my case about homework. He took my phone away last night, only got it back this morning when we got to school." He groaned, dropping his head into his arms on the table. Lafayette's eyes widened slightly in understanding and Hercules clapped his hand down on John's shoulder in sympathy, John appreciating both gestures.

"Hey, it's okay. I missed my customary goodnight text, but I dealt." Alex joked, nudging his foot against John's, his voice softening at his admission.

"More like you missed your boyfriend getting dragged so much in the group chat that he truly reached a new low." Lafayette snickered as Alex pouted, leaning forward to shove him. John was grateful for the swift change in subject - grateful for his friends in general, really. 

"It was not that bad!" Alex exclaimed, then turning to John to whisper, "It sort of was that bad."

John felt a smile tug at his lips, letting the familiar comfort of his friends shake off the tension from the morning. He leaned over, pecking Alex's cheek before reaching over and taking his phone out.

"Okay, let's see how much of a fuckin' meme you were last night, Ham." The group dissolved into giggles as they recounted the horrors of the group chat from the previous night; Alex sitting with his arms crossed and a begrudged smile on his face.

 You see, John and his dad did not have the best father-son relationship you might expect in most families. All in all, John was not afraid to admit that his dad was a, undeniably, 100%, complete, grade A dick. He was a senator for South Carolina and everything you'd expect to come with that title: white, rich, upper-class, Christian, racist and homophobic. Kind of John's worst nightmare for a dad, if he was honest. And after John's mother passed (the beautiful and sweet Eleanor Laurens, in which he shared his Puerto Rican heritage with), John's father became completely overbearing, strict and dismissive of his kids.

His siblings were still a little too young to understand; Martha being the second oldest after John and still only 12. So, John took the brunt of his fathers terror. He was the one that would sit through the homophobic rants over marriage equality, and listen to him drag on and on about All Lives Matter (John had to clench his fists whenever he heard him speak of it). He was the one that let his father take all of his rage and anguish out on John when he had too much to drink (which was... often). But John didn't mind taking the heat when it saved his younger siblings from being caught in the fire. However, everything got harder when his fathers rantings became more personal - more aimed at John himself. And when his father continuously ranted on and on about John not having a girlfriend despite already being sixteen (the horror, right?) John did what any closeted kid with a homophobic parent would do and he got himself a fake girlfriend.

Martha was lovely, all sweet eyes and understanding smiles. John had gotten lucky when Martha had found herself in a similar position as his own with her own Bible bashing parents and her very not straight sexuality, so the match was perfect.

Enter: Alexander Hamilton.

And, okay, it wasn't like John was trying to fall for him, right? But if Hamilton was one thing (apart from sleep-deprived and cute as hell), it was persuasive. So sue him, John got swept up in his charm and he fell for him. And _boy_ , did he fall for him. Alexander was gentle and sweet, patient and understanding, and although he was little... hard-working, he always made time for John, held him when he cried, listened to him rant, be generally the sweetest goddamn person John had ever known. Alexander made him so happy, and he'd be damned if he'd let his father stop him from having that.

So here's John's life: he's stuck in a house with a homophobic, terrible father; he's trying to save his siblings from the wrath of said terrible father by taking the brunt of it; he's fake dating his friend, once again due to said terrible father and he's got a boyfriend that his father would mostly likely kill him over if he found out. 

Hey, he never claimed that his life was a rom-com.

 

-

 

John made his way to lunch later on that day to his usual table where all of his friends sat. He rolled his eyes when he heard Alex and Jefferson going at it, even from a few table lengths away. 

"Jefferson, I swear to God, I will not fucking hesitate to throw my coffee over your head if you don't shut up. And you know how much I treasure my coffee!"

The rest of the group exchanged understanding nods, attesting to this fact as Jefferson rolled his eyes.

"Honestly, Hamilton, you can do that but it still won't change the fact that _I_ am _right_."

"Wow, what a lovely day we're having! And how is everyone?" John butt in, taking his seat next to Alex as the group let out a relieved sigh at the distraction.

"John, thank God, we were ready to kill him." Eliza sighed, the group laughing when Alex shut up as soon as John sat down.

"John! How are you, how's your day going?" Alex turned in his seat, kissing John before he got the chance to reply.

"I'm good, it's okay, how're you? You've not killed Jefferson yet I see, so I'm guessing pretty good?" Jefferson huffed in the background.

"Only good now that you're here, Dearest Laurens."

"Do you guys really have to flirt like this every single lunchtime? You've been together for over a year, honestly, can't you get past the honeymoon stage like every other couple?" Angelica spoke, looking at them both with a flat stare.

"Oh honey, there's no need to be so jealous."

"Ha! You wish, Hamilton. Well, jealous of you, maybe. We all know that John's the better half of this couple." The group hummed in agreement.

"I was ready to fight you on that until I realised that yeah that's probably true."

"See! And we're back to the flirting. _C'est impossible._ " Lafayette sighed, dropping his head into his hands as Hercules patted his hair in sympathy.

As the group drifted from one conversation to the next, Alex took the opportunity to speak to John privately - or, as privately as one could get in their group.

"So, your dad took your phone off of you? Again?" Alex asked quietly, his hand slipping into John's under the table.

"Yeah, he said I was slacking off too much because of it. I'm just glad he doesn't restrict having passwords on my things, he'd snoop otherwise." John admitted, his eyes falling to the table.

"I'm sorry babe, he fucking sucks. I can't believe he'd just take your things off of you like that, not even to punish you but just because he thinks you don't study enough? You're a grade A student, John, you're topping 2 out of 5 of your classes. I just don't get it, you're like the perfect son. He's so-"

"Sh, I know, I know. Trust me, nobody knows it more than me. But what can I do? College is still a year away man, I can make it till then. At least I have you." John smiled, squeezing his boyfriends hand.

"Yeah, that's true. And I have you too." Alex smiled back, leaning forward to kiss John softly. 

"Oh my god, do you mind? I'm like fucking twelve!" Peggy screeched, covering her eyes.

"You're 16, Peggy, shut up." John said, turning back to the group.

Yeah, his dad sucked. But also, yeah, he'd get through it.

 

-

 

John got home after football practise finished (yet another thing he was forced into by his father). He walked inside and threw his bag by the stairs before being over run by a litter of tiny children.

"Hi John! How was school! How was football practice! John! John! John!"

John laughed as his younger siblings flocked around him, staring at him with wide, excited eyes. He opened his mouth to answer their little flurry of questions when his father cut in,

"Jack! I trust we had a good day?"

John straightened up immediately, cringing as his younger siblings automatically did the same.

"Yes father, it was alright. And yourself?" He asked neutrally, expression blank and formal.

"Meh, you know how it goes my boy! Now, that's not where we leave our school work, is it? No no no, we put it on our desk and we sit and we complete it, don't we?" His father smiled down at him.

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes and clench his fists, John nodded with a terse smile and picked up his stuff, retreating to his room and falling on to his bed. Moments later his eyes shot open with disappointment when he realised he never actually got to talk to his siblings.

Typical.


	2. suck a dick, henry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter guys!:
> 
> Both fairly *graphic* physical & verbal abuse.
> 
> I'm v soz for the angst but I like feed off of it.

"You're coming over to mine tonight."

John startled when Alexander suddenly appeared at his side, smiling cheerily at him as they navigated through the hallway together.

"Do I get in any say in this?" John chuckled, smirking when Alex shook a head defiantly.

"What, no, you're coming. I've already decided." He said, knocking his shoulder against John's.

"Alright, what time?"

"Mm, maybe 5? We'll have dinner and you can stay after, if you want. I'd invite you to stay the night but..." The sentence didn't need to be finished. John's father would never let him stay the night with another boy, even if they really were only just friends.

"Yeah, okay. 5. That's fine."

 

- 

 

The Washington's were quite possibly the sweetest, most kind-hearted people that John had ever met - but he still got nervous anytime he went over to their house. They were both very lovely, kind people and always so welcoming to John and all of their other friends, but still, he was dating their son - and there's always something intimidating about spending time with your boyfriends parents.

However, by the time he was actually at the Washington's he always forgot why he was nervous. Mrs Washington (or Martha, as she insisted) was always so attentive and soft-spoken, always wanting to hear about John's day, or what he was up to. Mr Washington (or George, as _he_ insisted) was the same, even if he had a sterner exterior. Having dinner with them reminded him of what dinner with his own family was like, before... well, before everything. And hey, John never passed up an opportunity to play footsy underneath the table with Alex as they smiled at each other knowingly.

"John, Alex was telling us about how well you're doing in school - topping 2 out of 5 of your classes? That's incredible, John." Martha smiled, reaching over to squeeze his arm lightly. John grinned at the sweet gesture - it was very Martha.

"Isn't it?" Alex added, smirking across the table.

"Thank you, Martha, but it's hardly anything compared to Alex. He's studying non-stop, I can hardly keep up." John smiled politely, Alex rolling his eyes both at the compliment and John's clear kiss ass tendencies.

"Oh trust us, we know." George said flatly, raising his eyebrow towards Alex who smiled sheepishly.

"Hey, at least I'm studying at all! I could be a drug addict, George." Alex pointed out, and George rolled his eyes in response with the smallest amused smile appearing on his lips.

"Anyway," Martha began pointedly, raising an eyebrow at them both before turning back to John, "how're things at home, John?"

John understood what she was really asking straight away - _'is Henry still being a total shithead of a dad?'_. Martha wasn't as vulgar or direct as that, he supposed.

"Yes, things are going okay I guess." John smiled politely, ignoring the way Alex's face fell and his eyes dropped to the floor at the mention of John's home life.

"Well, you know that we're always here to help." Martha replied kindly, George nodding in agreement as they ate their chicken casserole. John sighed, knowing they probably didn't buy his lie. But what could he do? His dad is a senator - even if John did decide to report the... mistreatment, there were all kind of ways Henry could make his life hell. And John knew he was not above using any of these methods.

"Hey, is it okay if John and I head upstairs for a bit?" Alex spoke, startling John out of his thoughts and back into the conversation that he had tuned out.

"Oh, of course dear. Just let us know when John needs a ride home."

"Great, thanks!" Alex called, already standing up and pulling John out of the dining room and upstairs with him. They stumbled into Alex's room, John falling onto his bed as Alex went to put away his homework that was still strewn across his desk. 

"Dinner was nice." John smiled lazily, watching Alex move around with a fond look in his gaze.

"Ugh I know right - whenever Martha makes her chicken casserole I feel like I could collapse into a food coma." Alex said dramatically, falling next to John after tidying up.

Alex turned his head and grinned at him. "You look hella hot right now."

John broke into his giggles at his admission, covering his face with his hands. He could _feel_ his cheeks burning red.

"Oh my God, Alex, shut up!" He laughed, his sides hurting from laughter.

"Well you do!" Alex said defiantly. John rolled his eyes in amusement, still giggling at a now pouty Alex.

"Well you look hella hot as well." John grinned.

"Thank you very much." Alex smiled, leaning over to kiss John. John kissed him back slowly, propping himself up on his elbows so he could move on top of Alex, smiling against his lips.

"Listen, about what Martha said-" Alex began, pulling away before being cut off by John.

"Honestly, Alex, it's fine." John muttered, leaning back in only for Alex to push away further.

"No, I know, I just wanted to let you know, or-or _remind_ you, I guess, that I'm always here for you. And that you can tell me anything, okay?"

"I know, Alex." John smiled, even if he was sort of lying. Because John could never tell Alex everything - he couldn't hurt him like that.

Alex knew the bare minimum of how Henry treated John, only knew the surface really. He knew that his dad was an extreme hard-ass, and very strict and overbearing. He also knew that his dad was never afraid to yell at John (a lot) and occasionally take his possessions away over mostly trivial stuff. He also knew that his father was racist, and more importantly, extremely homophobic - both things that, understandably, shook John to the core and left him seething with anger whenever Henry got onto one of his rants.

What Alex didn't know was that sometimes Henry would leave. He would just leave (on "business" he would claim, even if he would come home reeking of alcohol) for days at a time, and that John would be left to take care of his siblings and make sure they were fed, clothed and still making it to school on time each day. He also didn't know that sometimes when Henry was particularly mad or in a dickhead mood, he would lock John in his room, for most of the night, only letting John out to eat dinner in which he would then proceed to go on and on about how terrible of a son John is, and how he has to do _better goddammit_. And what Alex could _never_ know was that Henry would hit him sometimes. (By sometimes, he means most of the time, but _nobody_ needs to know that). This mostly happened when he was drunk, but sometimes it would happen when he was sober, and he would beat John until he felt fully satisfied. Only once has John ever tried to fight back, and well... that didn't end well. So, yeah, John could never tell Alex. He couldn't just burden him like that.

"Hey, you okay?" Alex said softly, reaching up to stroke John's cheek.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Sorry." He sighed leaning into his touch.

"It's okay, babe. Just keep that in mind, okay? I'm here to listen - rant at me for hours if you want. You know how that fuels me." Alex grinned lopsidedly. John chuckled, because yeah, it really does.

"Yeah, I will. Now, back to what we were doing before..." John smirked, and Alex giggled as John leaned back down to kiss him. 

 

-

 

By the time Martha and Alex (who had insisted on coming) dropped him back at his house, John was quite literally floating on cloud 9. He couldn't explain it; spending time with Alex just made him feel like a giggly 12 year old thinking about their first crush - and he wasn't ashamed to admit it. He could practically feel himself glowing.

However, when he walked back into his own house, he felt that happiness drain within the moment. The house was silent, despite it only being 9, meaning Henry must've sent the kids to their rooms. He could feel his skin turning colder each passing second, even if there was nothing to be scared about. Yet.

He walked further into the house, and made to turn upstairs when -

"Jack, my boy! Home so soon?" His father singsonged, walking out of the kitchen with his whiskey in hand. John swallowed.

"S-sorry, father. I was at the Washington's for dinner, I told you this earlier. You said it was okay?" He said hesitantly. It was important to tread carefully when his father was drunk - John had learned this the hard way.

"Dinner doesn't last 4 hours, now does it?" Henry hummed absently as he swirled his whisky around in the glass.

“Well, you see, me and Alex had some homework to do, so we figured we'd work on it together. Plus, we have a partner project to do in Histo-" John cut off with a yelp when his father slammed the glass onto the table. The glass very nearly shattered, and John's heart very nearly shattered along with it. He began to retreat into himself.

"Did I give you _permission_ to stay past dinner?" Henry spat, moving closer to John as he tried to back away.

"N-no, but I just thought that-that maybe you wouldn't mind since it was only homework." John said as evenly as he could. Henry loved to see him vulnerable, and John tried not to give him the satisfaction.

" _'Maybe you wouldn't mind since it was only homework'_ ," Henry mimicked mockingly, "shut the hell up." He said dangerously low, and John felt the tears burning the back of his eyes. He supposed he should probably be used to this by now, but he just wasn't. He never would be, he thinks.

"You are simply pathetic. You can never do anything right, you can't even spend the night with your own siblings - your own father! You are always out, always with your "friends". I'm sick of it John, and I'm sick of _you_. Look at you, crying like a fag! You need to get your act together, John." He shouted, moving closer and closer to John until John could feel the spit on face.

"I'm sorry, dad, I'm really-" he was cut off with a sharp slap to his cheek. He recoiled, holding his hand to his cheek as it began to burn. The sharp sting was something he had grown so used to. 

"I _did not_ give you permission to speak!" Henry shouted, and John could feel himself growing smaller by the minute.

"You are a disobedient, insolent child that I am ashamed to call my own. You are pathetic, and rude, and I'm simply shocked that my own child could be as disrespectful as you." He pushed at John's shoulders harder with each word, until eventually shoving him violently to the hard floor.

"You're mother would be ashamed." He said slowly, kicking John in the ribs as if to solidify the statement, before turning away.

"I don't know where I went so wrong. Go to your room. I can't stand the sight of you." Henry muttered, picking up his glass and moving upstairs to his own room.

John curled in on himself, hugging his knees close to his chest for a moment as his body heaved with sobs. It never got easier. Each time Henry treated him this way, John wanted nothing more than to run away, to be with Alex, or... or with mother. Somewhere that wasn't there. He sat for several minutes, before swallowing tightly. He picked himself up, clinging to the banister for support and pulling himself upstairs. When he reached his room, he tumbled onto his bed and sobbed for what felt like hours, despite it only being minutes.

John could just never understand what he always managed to do that was so wrong. He didn't understand how his father could be so repulsed by him that it would warrant that reaction - that he could hate him so much as to hit him, kick him and spit at him. He didn't even know that he was gay. He just hated John because... because of who he was as a person. And perhaps that was what hurt John the most. Henry hated him because John was useless, and pathetic, and broken. His tears burned the red mark that was only starting to fade, as he moved to stare at the framed picture of his mother at his bedside table. Looking at it only made him cry harder instead of comforting him, so he forced himself to look away and go into his bathroom.

He stared at himself, taking in the mess before him, gripping the sides of the sink tightly. Maybe his mother really would be ashamed.

He quickly washed himself up and fell into bed, suddenly exhausted. His tears had stopped but he still felt an ache in his chest, and it wasn't because of the bruises blooming underneath his shirt. He pulled out his phone, thumbing through his messages.

 

"You have: 96 unread messages from the group 'alEXTRAnder's last fight: 0 days'.

"You have: 29 unread messages from the group 'the revolutionary set'.

"You have 2 unread messages from 'Alex :)'.

 

John quickly thumbed onto Alex's messages before he could let his eyes slip shut.

 

From Alex :) : okay I'm not saying that Martha just totally gave me "the talk" but she just totally gave me "the talk" john

From Alex :) : I'm disgusted,,,, we've been together for more than year,,,,, does she NOT KNOW

 

John smiled tiredly at the message, even if at least 85% of his body was screaming in pain.

 

To Alex :) : o m f g that is brilliant

To Alex :) : what'd she say

To Alex:) : did u get any good tips for next time ????

From Alex :) : JOHN!!! ENOUGH.

 

John chuckled at the message, almost forgetting about how sad he felt for a second. Almost.

He sighed, placing his phone on his beside table after he and Alex had said their goodnights, and pulled the covers tight around him. Just as he was drifting off, he thought of his mother. He wished she was there to hold him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy my dudes I just wanted to say thank u all so much for the response I got on the last chapter! Kudos and comments legit make my life hehe. Chapter 3 shall be up soon my dears!
> 
> Also, just for giggles, here's the outline I made for this chapter that basically summaries what just went down:
> 
> \- John goes to the Washington's, we meet Washington's lols  
> \- J + A go to A's room and kiss and John is v sad and Alex doesn't know BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY: KISSING  
> \- Cut to Henry drinking bc he's a DICK and a TERRIBLE PARENT  
> \- JUST OVERALL SADNESS (hashtag protectjohnlaurens2k17)


	3. poor john tbh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo here's chapter 3! I just wanted to say thank you so so much once again for the response I've had so far! Y'alls response makes me so happy you guys dont even understand I'd insert a crying emoji here if I could.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

John shut his locker as he packed his bag full of homework, making sure to grab his gym bag with his kit in it. Today he had football practice, something that he was sort of indifferent towards despite having been forced into it by his father. As little as he actually enjoyed the sport itself, he did enjoy the exercise and the chance to blow off steam, and he got along with his team mates well enough. Well, most of them anyway.

"Wanna come over to mine guys? My parents aren't home, we could chill for a few hours?" Hercules asked Lafayette, Alex and John as they headed towards the exit, the end of the day finally upon them.

Whilst Alex and Lafayette both nodded enthusiastically, John shook his head.

"Sorry guys, I have football practise." He said, shaking his gym bag for emphasise.

"That's okay dude, I'll eat an extra pizza slice on your behalf." Hercules said solemnly, placing a hand over his heart.

"Oui, me as well!" Lafayette agreed, grinning as John shot them both flat stares.

"Well _I_ , for one, will not. Don't worry John, I've get your back." Alex winked and John rolled his eyes at their antics, shoving them all as they laughed.

"Well, I'll see y'all tomorrow I guess." John shrugged, shooting a small smile their way.

"I'll see you later, asshole." Alex smiled, leaning forward to kiss his cheek before leaving with Lafayette and Hercules as they hollered.

John shook his head in amusement before making his way to the locker room just in time to get changed before practise began. He walked in and received various greetings from his friends, and he smiled and nodded towards them all before moving to get changed. Don't get him wrong, John loved his own group of friends - no matter how ragtag they may seem. But he was a peoples person at heart, so it was nice to be able to socialise with different people now and then.

"Hey, man, you got the notes from Anderson's class yesterday? I was sick." John turned towards Ben Tallmadge, probably his closest friend on the team.

"Yeah man, I'll send them over once practise is done." John smiled as Tallmadge nodded his head gratefully.

"Thanks bro. God, that man is such a hard-ass. I feel like I'm gonna miss the entire course every time I so much as blink." John laughed in agreement.

"I know right, the dude is so boring that you could fall asleep in his class, but you can't in case you miss something." The pair laughed as they tied their laces, getting ready to head out with the rest of the team when the door banged open.

"Hello, ladies! Everybody ready?" Charles Lee began, a smirk on his face. John tried to hide his irritation.

Charles Lee was team captain, so John never had the privilege of being able to talk shit about him to his face, but it was clear that never really liked the guy. And he knew for a fact that Lee didn't like him either.

"C'mon, hurry it up! Coach is waiting, go, go, go!" Charles Lee shouted, punctuating each 'go' with a clap of his hands as the boys hurried to get the last of their things.

"McHenry! Hurry the fuck up, honestly, you take as long as my mom does when she's getting ready." Lee scowled at the younger boy who was still scrambling to get his shirt over his head. He'd came in late, and now Lee (being his usual dickhead self) was calling him out in front of everyone. John sighed.

"Lay off, dude. He came in late." John piped up, clenching his fists as Charles turned to him with a gleam in his eye. Lee loved any excuse to pick on John, and John couldn't help but always seem to give him one.

"Ahh, John, my best guy! How're you and... What's his name? Alfie...? Alec...?" Lee smiled sweetly, and John rolled his eyes.

"You know full well what his name is, Lee. And I don't see why he's any of your concern right now." John said evenly, putting on a bored facade. His teammates around him nodded in agreement. None of them ever seemed to have an issue with John or with his sexuality. In fact, when he and Alex had first gotten together, they were all overwhelmingly happy for him - which was way more than John was expecting. Charles Lee was the exception. He was as 'classic homophobic jock' as one could get, and because of that, John was generally the target of his attacks.

"Hm, no reason. I just can't help it - I mean, I see you two all the time. Cuddling, holding hands... kissing."

"Again, I don't see why that's any of your concern. And I mean, I see you and your girlfriend kissing all the time, what's the difference?" John asked as the team began to shuffle away the more heated it became.

"What's the difference? The diffence is, Laurens, that my _girlfriend_ isn't a boy. We're not fags like you two are, _that's_ the difference."

John clenched his fists.

"Woah, dude, that's enough. C'mon now, coach is waiting." Tallmadge tried to step in.

"What's the matter, John? I mean, it's the truth. Or what, you don't like me talking about it? You don't want daddy to find out? You can't keep it a secret for ever, _Jack_. Who knows, piss me off enough and I might even be the one to tell him. Now stop butting in where you aren't wanted." Lee said hotly, making a shooing motion with his hands. And with that, he turned and walked out.

"And all of you princesses, get out here _now_!" He shouted behind him, and the group rushed to the exit. John began to follow them, but was stopped when Tallmadge placed a hand on his shoulder, holding him in place.

"Listen, dude, about what Charles said - just remember that none of the rest of us think that way, okay?" John nodded absently. He knew that none of his teammates had a personal vendetta against him like Lee seemed to, but even one person was enough to drag him down when he received an onslaught of much of the same treatment already at home.

"And, if you're worried about that "threat" that he just made, then honestly man, there's no need. Lee is _way_ too much of a coward to out you to your dad. Trust me." He patted his shoulder before turning to the exit, stopping when John didn't follow.

"You coming?" He prompted, turning to look over is shoulder.

"Uh, yeah, yeah I just need a sec. Let coach know?" John asked, and Tallmadge nodded in understanding before leaving the locker room.

_ 'Lee is way too much of a coward to out you to your dad.' _

Yeah. Tallmadge was probably right, because as much trouble as John would get into from his father, Lee would also face the inescapable wrath of Henry Laurens if he were the one to shatter the illusion.

But, still. John could feel himself growing more anxious by the second and a tight ball of nerves formed furiously in his stomach. John needed to keep his father from questioning, needed to make sure that his father had no reason to ever doubt that he was straight. So he done what he always did whenever he needed to push that nagging feeling away, or when his father got too close to the truth.

He called Martha.

 

-

 

"- I'm sorry but how the fuck could he possibly _ever_ , in his tiny, minuscule brain think that _poverty_ is caused by people being _lazy_?! I just- I can't even process how he could think that way, John! 43.1 million people fell below the poverty line in 2015, John, and the child poverty rate was 19.7%! What, does he think that _children_ are being lazy? Has he ever heard of, I don't know, unemployment? Or the disaster that is our economy? Or, hey, the lack of affordable housing? Help me understand John, because I can't!"

John listened half heartedly to Alex over the phone on his way home from practise as he spewed on about Jefferson, something that he could talk about for hours. Normally, John would be fully attentive and would even make a comment whenever he could edge in (for example, when Alex took more than a millisecond to catch his breath).  But he was too distracted to focus today, Lee's words still ringing in his head.

"He makes me want to _scream_. I almost did during debate, Eliza was laughing at me. But that's besides the point, this isn't a laughing matter! At least you understand." John hummed in agreement.

"Anyway, wanna come over later? I could use some help prepping for next debate. The topic's gonna be on racism in the justice system, and nobody I know knows more about that than you do." Alex offered, sighing idly into the receiving.

"Uh, thanks, I'd love to but - rain check? I'm busy tonight." John bit his lip.

"Oh, okay. What're you doing?"

"Oh- uh, well. Martha's coming over. For dinner."

Alex paused. He let out a breath whilst John held his in.

"Oh- wow, okay, sorry. Yeah, that's uh, totally fine. I mean, obviously she goes to yours sometimes, she's your girlfriend." Alex laughed nervously. There was no bite to his words, not even any hint of maliciousness behind them, but they still stung.

"Alex-"

"No, seriously, don't do this John. It's fine. _I'm_ fine. I get it."

"Alex I just- I'm sorry. You know what my dads like and-"

"John! I said I get it, okay?"

John bit his lip, held back a sigh.

"Okay."

"I'll, um, see you at school tomorrow, okay? Bye."

"Bye, Alex." John closed his eyes at the receiver beeped, indicating that Alex had hung up. He tried to resist the urge to pull his hair out.

Life freaking sucked, sometimes. Why couldn't John have been blessed into an accepting family, into a family that wouldn't try to fucking execute him at even the idea that he might be into boys?

Why did everything have to be so complicated?

 

-

 

John was sat at the dinner table, Martha to his left, his siblings scattered around on different seats and his father at the head spot. He could feel how tense Martha was, knew how uncomfortable she was around his father (like 80% of the rest of South Carolina). The fact that she was still so willing to help him out made John admire her even more than he already did - she was a really great friend.

"I have to say John, I'm impressed. It's been so long since Martha's been over, I'm glad you're beginning to prioritise her over your friends." His father said, and John nodded mutely. He could feel his father eyes narrow and his glare seep into him when he didn't offer more of a reply, but he couldn't even find it himself to care. Henry turned to Martha instead.

"Martha, how have _you_ been then? Like I said, it's been too long."

Martha smiled politely, her bright facade lighting up her face. She was always so good at this acting thing - much better than John.

"I've been very well, thank you, Sir. Just been focused on my school work like John here. In fact, we spend most of our free time at school studying together, and make a habit of spending lunch in the library at least once a week." If John hadn't stopped himself, his jaw would have fell to the floor. Martha's barefaced lie flew out perfectly. It didn't even sound rehearsed.

Henry's eyebrows shot up, clearly impressed by such a claim.

"You never told me this, Jack. Why is that?" He inquired, seeming genuinely curious and interested for once in his life.

"Oh, sorry father. I guess I just forgot to mention it." John chuckled nervously. Like he said, Martha was always much better than John at the acting part of this charade. His father hummed disapprovingly.

"And what is it you want to do when you leave school again, Martha?" Henry had asked Martha this a thousand times, and John resisted the urge to roll his eyes out of sheer boredom more than anything else.

"I want to train to be a nurse, Sir. I just love the thought of helping people." She smiled.

"Ah, yes, a nurse! Very noble of you, Martha. Much more professional than that art nonsense that seems to occupy so much of your time, John." His father sniffed. John chocked out a breath, ready to defend his career choice  _once again_ to his father before Martha cut in.

"Oh my goodness, Mary-Eleanor! That is simply a beautiful bracelet you're wearing, wherever did you get it?" Martha broke in, saving John from having to reply. He could've cried out of relief. Henry simply raised an eyebrow at the sudden diversion.

"Oh - thank you, Martha. These types of bracelets are ones you make yourself, I got a kit for my birthday." Mary-Eleanor replied shyly, twisting the bracelet around her wrist.

"Wow, you made that yourself? Well, coloured me impressed. Could you maybe show me how to make one?" Martha inquired sweetly, smiling at the little girl.

"Oh, totally! Martie, wanna help too?" Mary-Eleanor said excitedly, turning to face her older sister. Her sister grinned, nodding with the same level of enthusiasm.

"Great! It looks like we're all done, do you wanna go now?" The girls began nodding, before the older sister, Martha, seemed to remember that their father was staring them.

"Oh- sorry father. May we be excused?" She said, slightly nervous.

To John's relief, his father only nodded stiffly. The younger girls shot up eagerly, and Martha rushed to catch up with them. John sent a grateful look her way, and she winked discreetly in response before heading upstairs to the girls rooms.

"Uh, father, I was actually wondering if I go get some homework done? It'll only take about 15 minutes, by that time Martha should be done with the girls and then I'll escort her home."

Once again, to his relief, Henry only nodded. He made to stand up, his younger brothers already racing out the door, before his father stopped him briefly.

"She's a good girl, Jack. Treat her right." He said, before letting him go. John swallowed before moving out of the dining room.

He sat down at his computer desk, fully intending to keep his word and finish the last of his homework that he actually did need to get done but something caught his eye. His phone sat at the edge of his desk, and it was positively staring at him. John was sure of it. It only took a minute of debating with himself before he picked the phone up and began scrolling through his messages.

"You have: 19 unread messages from the group 'the revolutionary set'."

 

"You have: 12 unread messages from the group 'alEXTRAnder's last fight: 0 days'."

 

"You have: 1 new message from: 'Eliiiza'."

 

"You have 2 new messages from: 'kiss my french ass laurens'."

 

The messages ended there. No new ones from Alex. He tried his best to refrain from throwing his phone across the room.

He failed. 

He hauled himself up and went to retrieve the phone, and opened a new message to Alex. And then he proceeded to stare at the blank message for several minutes.

Eventually, John swallowed his pride and began typing a text out.

 

To Alex :) : Hey, babe. Dinners over.

 

He waited, tossing the phone back and forwards in his hands, homework forgotten. It wasn't due until next week, anyway. He jumped when his phone buzzed.

 

From Alex :) : Okay.

 

John tried not to scream.

 

To Alex :) : C'mon, Alex. I said I'm sorry.

 

From Alex :) : I know. I said I get it.

 

John tried not to snap his phone in half.

 

To Alex :) : Allllexxxxxxxx

 

From Alex :) : John.

 

To Alex :) : ALLEEEEXXXXXX

 

From Alex :) : John.

 

To Alex :) : I'm not gonna stop doing this till you give in

 

To Alex :) : ALLEXXXX LIGHT OF MY LIFE

 

To Alex :) : THE SUN TO MY MOON

 

To Alex :) : THE YING!!!!!! to mY YANG!!!!!!!!

 

To Alex :) : THE SOUL TO MY MATEEEEE

 

From Alex :) : Okayyyyyyy stop I'm not even mad u shithead

 

John grinned.

 

To Alex :) : suuuuuuure

 

From Alex :) : fuck off

 

To Alex :) : I'm js'

 

To Alex :) : but it's ok ur allowed to be mad, i get it. it sucks.

 

From Alex :) : how many times!!! I'm not mad ok

 

To Alex :) : suuuuuuure

 

From Alex :) : fight me, john

 

John always knew how to break Alex down when he was mad (it was a gift) and he sat texting Alex for the remainder of the time he should've spent doing his homework. He was startled out of his texts when he heard a soft knock at the door, and looked up just in time to see Martha close the door behind her with a gentle click.

"Well, I have acquired 3 new colourful bracelets and had the best time I've had in ages." She said seriously, and John huffed out a laugh.

"Thanks so much for doing that, Martha. I can't even begin to explain how much I owe you." He said while grabbing his jacket to escort her home, while she followed by toeing on her shoes.

"Hey, don't worry about it John - I was being serious. I really did have the best time in, like, forever. Plus, I know you'd do the same for me - and I'm definitely holding you to that." She winked as they headed out of the his bedroom and down to the front door. The cold air nipped at his skin when they walked outside and John was glad Martha only lived a short walk away.

"I don't doubt it." John grinned and they both laughed quietly as they breeze floated gently around them.

"So, how're things with you?" John asked after a few seconds of silence. Although he and Martha were fairly close, they still ran in different circles, so they didn't tend to actually speak much during school.

"Things are okay," Martha hummed, "just studying a whole lot. I wasn't lying about that." Martha laughed and John nodded along.

"Hey, I was wondering..." Martha trailed off hesitantly.

"What?" John prompted, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Uh, that girl your friends with... one of the Schuyler sisters? The littlest one."

"Peggy...?" John asked confusedly. What did Martha want with Peggy? She was a year younger than them both, and she wouldn't have any classes with her.

"Yes! Peggy." She said happily and - oh. _Oh_.

"You like _Peggy_?" He said, eyebrows raising in surprise.

"Yeah, a little bit. Or maybe more than a little bit. She's just so nice to look at!" Martha said, only a little defensive.

"Hey, I'm not judging." John replied, holding in his hands up in mock surrender.

"So, I don't suppose you know if she's into girls?" Martha said hopefully as they slowed down, reaching her house.

"Well she- uh... Actually, I'm not actually sure. She's never actually said." Huh, John had never realised that before. "But, I'll try my best to find out."

"Great, thank you so much John! Goodnight, love ya." She said, leaning forward to peck his cheek.

"Night, Martha, I love you back. And thanks again for tonight. I mean it." She rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

"S'what I'm here for John!" She called as she waked into her house, and John began on the walk home. He made it home just as it began to darken, and braced himself before facing his father. When he walked inside, Henry was in the hallway, fixing his hair in the mirror. John eyes flitted to the suitcase at his feet and then back to is father.

Great: his father was out on "business" again. He would be putting John in charge. He'd probably be gone 3 days.

"Jack, you're back! I'm off on business, I'm afraid, and I'm putting you in charge. I'll be gone for 3 days." John nodded, keeping his face as blank as possible.

"Okay, father. Have a good trip." He said quietly as a car rolled up behind him, the door still hanging open.

"Be good, Jack." His father said, patting his shoulder. And with that, he turned and left, slamming the door behind him.

"Jacky! Where's dad gone?" Martha spoke, suddenly appearing beside him. Mary-Eleanor was at her side, clutching her teddy bear. John could also hear the creak of the stairs - a sign that the boys were listening in from the upstairs landing. He wrung his hands together slowly as he chose what to say next.

"Uh - he's just gone on business, girls. But that's okay because it means that the best big brother in the world is in charge, and I'm merciless!" He exclaimed, reaching down to pull them in close and tickle them relentlessly, the girls bursting into laughter.

John managed to put them to bed eventually, and tucked them in. He read Mary-Eleanor her favourite bedtime story and kissed all four of his siblings foreheads (even if each and everyone of them wiped it off in disgust). Then, he set out to complete the next task.

He made sure all of the door and windows were locked. Then he checked again. And then a third time - just in case. Next, he made sure to clear up the mess that had been abandoned after dinner, and tided up the living room and kitchen as well. He then hauled himself upstairs, and walked into the bathroom to get himself ready.

When he eventually got back into his room, he stood in the centre, unsure of exactly what to do next. He wasn't tired enough to go to bed, but not exactly motivated enough to anything else either. He rolled his shoulders, felt the knots in his back crack. He sighed and sat at his desk, opening his phone mindlessly. He set his alarms extra early to ensure that he would have time to get his siblings up and ready, before he got a message from Alex.

 

From Alex :) : <3

 

It took all of John's strength not to cry at that. He felt the tears brim his eyes anyway.

He sighed, looking down at his desk, head propped up against his hands.

 

All he could think was,  _God, did his family deserve better than Henry Laurens._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, here's the outline I made for this chapter just for the bant, lol.
> 
> \- STRONG WORDS FROM LEE  
> \- John gets worried and invites Martha over to dinner  
> "Wanna hang;)" "Martha's coming over" "oh.... Okay."  
> \- MARTHA IS THE BEST. JUST PURE ANGEL GODESS. BOW DOWN.  
> \- John spends most of the night texting Alex and Alex is v (ง'̀-'́)ง ಥ_ಥ but then (＾▽＾)  
> \- JOHN IS THE BEST BIG BROTHERRR


	4. ugh john im sorry boo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii its ya gal back with another chapter. I'm so thankful for the feedback and response I've received so far, you all make me so happy!! Also, sorry for the slight delay in this chapter, but a new job combined with school deadlines makes time for writing a little tighter. I hope you all enjoy nonetheless!
> 
> WARNINGS for this chapter!!:
> 
> A pretty severe anxiety takes place, so if that triggers you, please be careful! Also some self-deprecating language is used throughout that scene and mildly throughout the rest of the chapter, so please also watch out for that. Also warning that this chapter is very lazily edited bc ya gal is also very tired. 
> 
> Thanks!

"Please, I could snap you like a twig and you know it." Peggy said lazily to Lafayette as they were sat at lunch the next day.

"Uh, you wish, mon petite ami." Lafayette said in return, eyebrows furrowing. He turned to Hercules for support, but the latter only shrugged, agreeing with Peggy.

"It's true man, she's small but feisty." Hercules agreed. Lafayette rolled his eyes in defence, ready to retaliate when Eliza broke in.

"So, guys, everyone still coming over tonight? We've rented, like, 5 movies and we've gone all out on snacks!" She said happily, clapping her hands together enthusiastically.

John froze.

 _Shit_. He'd completely forgotten that he and his friends had planned movie night at the Schuyler's - had been planning it for the last couple of weeks. They'd all promised they'd go when Eliza had been upset that they never seemed to hang out as an entire group outside of school anymore. Any now - _now_ John was gonna have to be _that guy_ that cancelled. But he just couldn't go - his father had left and there'd be nobody to look after his siblings. He'd have to cancel.

Shit, his friends were gonna be so mad. Eliza was gonna be so upset. He was the worst.

"Uh, guys?" The group snapped out of their rapid conversation about the movie choices and turned to John.

He gulped, before hesitantly saying, "I can't go anymore. I'm really sorry."

All of their eyebrows shot up, and Alex's mouth fell open slightly.

"Why do you mean John? We've all be looking forward to this much!" Peggy said sadly after a short pause. John braced himself for the rest of their reactions.

"John, it's okay. These things happen. What's came up?" Eliza said gently, her hair falling into her face. God, what an angel she was.

John wracked his brain quickly for an excuse. He couldn't - he _wouldn't_ \- tell his friends the real reason. He absolutely didn't need to burden them with his childish first-world problems, and plus, they knew too much about John's home life already. He couldn't hurt them anymore - he couldn't hurt _Alex_  anymore. So he'd have to think of something else. He probably should've thought this through more, or heck - even remember the plans he'd made in the first place. God, maybe his father was right. Maybe he really was just one colossal fuck up.

He was running out of time, and his friends were growing more and more concerned by the second, so John quickly scrambled for the first excuse that came to his head.

"Uh, it's Mary-Eleanor's birthday. I've been told to stay home and celebrate."

That should be okay, right? His father could've easily have ordered him to stay home for his sisters birthday. Maybe he was off the hook - family matters trumps everything, after all. Especially in Henry Laurens eyes (that was, excluding his alcoholic escapades and the abuse of eldest son. Close enough.) What he wasn't counting on, however, was -

"John? We know her birthdays in June, stupid. Why are you lying, what the hell?" Alex words were heated: dripping with anger and hurt and confusion.

John's heart lurched in his chest.

"What aren't you telling us, mon ami?" And although Lafayette had clearly tried to come as soft and simply curious, his words were still sharp, and his eyes were sharper.

"I.. Well, I... Shit." He felt like he was gonna vomit. So, he did what was (probably not) the best thing to do and he shot up from the table and rushed to the bathroom, just as the bell rang signalling the end of lunch.

The rest of the group sat in a confused awkward silence, questioning and processing John's reaction as the people around them began to clear out.

"Fuck."

That was all Alex said before he slammed his hands on to the table, and leaped out of his seat, chasing after John.

John had found himself sitting on a stall floor in an empty bathroom, breathing heavily. Why the fucking hell could he not handle a situation like that? All he'd had to say was that he was babysitting, or that he had family coming to town last minute, or that his dad had grounded him. How could he have been so _stupid_? He continued to heave, his breaths growing more manic in the empty bathroom. The tears brimmed his eyes and suddenly he was attacking himself on a whole other level.

He was crying over this.  _Crying_. He was seventeen years old, and he was sitting in a bathroom stall _crying_  because he couldn't handle a situation as simple as that. No, instead he had to make up some pathetic lie that his friends could clearly see through. He was pathetic. He could do nothing right. And now, his friends hated him. His boyfriend hated him.

 _'This is why dad hits you, this is why you're a such a fuck up.'_ he whispered to himself. Even that, the softest of sounds, echoed against the empty bathroom walls.  
   
He continued to heave, his breath shortening by the second. The door suddenly opened with a bang, and John shot about 5 feet into the air. His heart quickened when he heard a familiar voice shout,

"John! I know you're in here. What the hell? Come out and talk about this, I'm serious."

Oh God. He sounded so pissed, so _furious._  John's breaths were still coming out in short little pants, he felt like he could barely breathe let alone move. He couldn't even stand up to speak to Alexander. He felt so _useless._  This had never happened to him before, why was this happening to him, why couldn't he _breathe_. He tugged at his collar, trying to somehow let more air in.

Alex was going to be even madder at him than before, Alex was gonna yell at him, Alex was gonna hit him -

"John? Are you in there? Are you okay?" Alex's voice was suddenly floating right outside his stall, ten times gentler before.

A small whine left the back of John's throat, that being all he could manage. It felt as though the words were getting stuck in his throat, jammed behind the air that he was still wrestling to release.

"Shit, okay, have you locked the door? I'm going to come in, is that okay?"

Alex didn't give John the chance to reply (not that he would've been able to, anyway) before giving the door a light push, stumbling inside as it swung over.

"John, cariño, what's wrong? What's got you like this?" Alex hesitantly reached forward and lightly touched John's hand, lacing their fingers together when John responded to the touch.

"I-I... I can't-" John struggled, the air still getting caught in his throat.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. I got you. You just need to take a sec to calm down okay? I'm here, I'm right here." Alex said gently, squeezing his hand but not moving forward to touch him anymore.

John continued to shake, tears streaming down his face. He slouched his shoulders forward, ashamed that Alex had to see him in such a state. He really couldn't do anything right - and now Alex was going to leave him for being such a freak.

"John, listen, I know you're struggling to breathe. But I need you to do this exercise with me, okay? Can you hear me?" Alex said after a few seconds, leaning forward to push John's hair out of his eyes. John nodded.

"Great, okay. I need you to breathe in for two seconds, and then out for three. Great, yeah, just like that. Now in for three, out for four. Good job baby, you're doing great. In for four, out for five." They continued until they reached nine, John's anxiety finally calming down and his tears stopping.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, Alex still clutching onto his hand tightly. John could feel his face beginning to burn in humiliation, and the tears began to brim his eyes once more. Alex caught it.

"John, baby, cariño no, c'mon now. No more of that." He said, finally reaching forward to put his arm around John's wait and kissing his cheek.

"What happened John? What was this about?" He asked softly.

"I just- I... I don't know." He stuttered, scared that if he talked too much then the truth would come out, and Alex would be even madder.

"John, a panic attack like that doesn't come out of nowhere. Especially over having to cancel plans. At least let me know why you lied about your sisters birthday?" Alex bit his lip, trying his best to understand John's reaction without sounding cross with him.

"I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't mean to lie, I didn't mean to cancel I just..." John broke off shakily, trying to conjure up an excuse. He sighed.

"My dad left town last night. Late, after dinner. I have to take care of the kids. He does it sometimes, it's not a big deal, but yeah. It means I have to take care of the younger ones. I didn't mean to have a stupid fucking _panic attack_  over it though." He spat. He turned his head away from Alex, both ashamed and ready for Alex to call him out for lying or even agree that John was being ridiculously oversensitive over it.

"John what - what the  _fuck_. He left town? Just- just out of nowhere? That's terrible John, shit." Alex all but shouted, his anger making John flinch in surprise.

"Alex, like I said, he does it a lot. It's no big deal."

"What- are you kidding me? Of course it's a big deal John! It's a huge, shitty deal is what it is! How could he leave you guys? Mary-Eleanor is barely five. When will he be back?" Alex's leg was shaking with frustration, and his pulse was thudding. He wanted nothing more than to get John, to get all of the kids, away from the piece of shit that was Henry Laurens.

"Three days. Or two now, I guess."

"Three days?! He left for three fucki-"

"I know. I really do. But it is what it is, Alex. I shouldn't have lied, I'm sorry." Alex turned to face him and shifted closer, leaning forward to kiss John's forehead gently.

"It's okay. I get it. But you don't need to lie about your dad, okay? You can tell me anything. I already know everything, right? So there's no need to lie about this."

John almost laughed. If only Alex knew.

Alex eyebrows furrowed at John's silence. "I do know everything, right John? There's nothing else?"

"No! I mean, there's nothing else. You do know everything I just- it's always embarrassing to talk about." Alex seemed to accept John's excuse, and if he noticed that John's answer was a little quick, then he didn't mention it.

"Okay. Are you feeling better now? We need to tell Eliza that we can't make it tonight because we have to babysit. And to explain what happened, we can just tell them that you suddenly felt ill, that you ate something bad last night."

"We?" John asked curiously.

"Yes, we, you idiot. What, you think I'd leave you to watch the kids by yourself? Of course not, John." Alex laughed in response as they left the bathroom hand in hand.

"You don't have to do that. You can go to the Schuyler's Alex, it's no-"

"If you say it's not a big deal one more time I'll actually hit you."

John flinched at the words, but he covered it well and even managed to laugh stiffly in response to something that was obviously meant as a joke. He wondered briefly in the back of his mind if his dads abuse would ever stop effectively him so intensely all of the time. He hoped it would.

-

John was in the middle of preparing dinner while three restless children raced around him, and one bored pre-teen sat on her phone rather than offer to help him. He could've of cried with relief when the doorbell rang, even if he was still conscious about Alex giving up his evening to help him out.

"My friend Alex is here, so please keep an eye on the kids and the pasta Martha." Martha saluted lazily at him without looking up from her phone, and John rolled his eyes before making his way of the door.

"Hi! I'm here, I'm ready to help, what do you need?" Alex said rapidly, kissing him quickly before moving past him and into the house, eager to do whatever he could.

John stood for a moment, almost dazed by Alex's sudden presence, before snapping back into action.

"Kids! Come meet Alexander." He yelled as he caught up to Alex in the kitchen. One by one the kids came stumbling into the kitchen (Martha also reluctantly placed her phone on the table) and stared wide-eyed and curiously up at Alex - who, in return, waved sheepishly back.

"This is my friend Alex, everyone. Alex, this is Martha, Jemmy, Junior and Mary-Eleanor. He's came to help me out watching y'all tonight because you're all just so crazy that I can't handle you all by myself!" He teased playfully, the kids letting out a wave of giggles.

"Hi! I'm here to be the nice one, I promise - unlike your brother over here. I bet he doesn't even play hide and seek with you guys!" Alex exclaimed cheerfully. Mary-Eleanor gasped in agreement.

"It's true, he doesn't! He's too busy making food. Will you play?" She asked, already jumping with excitement.

"Is that even a question? Of course I will! But you all better hide because I'm a fast counter!"

All of the kids raced away quickly, even Martha running out with a begrudged smile on her face as Mary-Eleanor tugged at her wrist. Alex turned to him and smiled, stepping forward to wrap his arms around his waist, John reciprocating the gesture.

"I can't thank you enough for doing this, Alex. It means a lot." Tucking a strand of Hamilton's hair behind his ear. The latter blushed at the slight touch, smiling slowly.

"Hey, I'm glad I'm here. I love your family, John, and I l- I like you a lot, too." He stammered, his blush growing redder by the minute. John chose not to comment on the slip up.

"Still, I'm really grateful." He said, and Alex responded by reaching up to kiss him slowly and languidly, cupping his hand on his cheek. They stayed like that, swaying slightly, and just has John began to tug at his boyfriends lower lip Hamilton moved back.

"Sorry babe, but I need to go. I'm about to beat all of your siblings at hide and seek." He said, giggling manically. With that, he ran off, leaving John laughing behind him.

If there was any positive to his dad essentially abandoning them all for days at a time, then Alex staying over was definitely one of them. He didn't deserve Alex - the man was a saint for putting up with John and all of his over-dramatic issues. How John had ever gotten so lucky, he would never understand. Alex was exactly what he wanted and everything he needed, and somehow, he seemed to be the same for Alex. It was a blessing that John didn't deserve.

The pasta finished eventually and by that point, the game had finished and the kids were sitting impatiently at the dining table

"Wait! You know the score, we gotta say grace first." John grabbed onto Martha and Alex's hands, the kids huffing impatiently but doing the same. John desperately ignored the questioning look Hamilton was giving him.

"Lord, Heavenly Father, thank you for blessing us with the food before us and for blessing us each and everyday. May we continue to serve you and may you continue to protect all of us, our beautiful mother who's in your arms, our father and our guest. Amen."

Everyone (excluding Alex) muttered Amen in response before digging into their food. John was grateful when Alex didn't question him for his seemingly sudden religious tendencies. Dinner passed with various shouting around the table and Alex's hand sitting warmly on his thigh.

-

 

"C'mon Mary-Eleanor, you gotta pick the last movie! It's the boys turn now!" Jemmy pouted, Junior behind nodding in agreement.

"Uh, nu-uh! The last movie was 'Power Rangers', and that's a boy movie! It's the girls turn!" Mary-Eleanor shouted back, feisty as ever.

"No fair, Jacky picked that movie so it doesn't count!" Junior piped up, sticking his tongue out.

"Enough! I say that Alex should pick the movie because he's our guest." John cut in, everyone squeezed into different sofas and chairs around the family room. The kids pouted but nodded in defeat.

"So?" John asked, turning to face Alex who was tucked in against his side. None of the kids questioned how close they were.

"Uh... got anything Disney? You can never go wrong." He said nervously, attempting to please everyone.

"No way, I don't wanna watch a princess movie! That's too girly." Jemmy whined.

"Hey, it's doesn't have to be a princess one! Do y'all have Toy Story? I mean, it's Pixar, but it still counts."

"Yes, we do!" John smiled, standing up to retrieve the movie.

"Alex has spoken, 'Toy Story' it is! No complaints." He said sternly. Jemmy, who's mouth was already opened and ready to complain, shut it with a roll of his eyes.

Sometime later, the room was filled with light snoring and the sound of the movies credits playing. Martha had already retreated up to her room, and thus, John and Alex were left by themselves (or well, kinda, if you exclude the sleeping kids). Alex snuggled under John's arm.

"- I'm just saying, I don't know where Mr. King gets off on purposely disagreeing with me. I mean, some things, sure. Obviously opinions differentiate and that's fine, I get it. But honestly, how can you be against the Black Lives Matter movement? Or marriage equality? Or tax reform? I don't get it, I just don't. Ugh, can you imagine if he took debate? That'd be a joy. I mean, him  _and_  Jefferson? I'm shuddering at the thought, Jesus. Jefferson alone almost makes me want to go back to the Carribean. Well, almost. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be away from him but - well, then I'd be away from you. And Lafayette, Mulligan, The Schuyler's. Hell, I'd probably even miss Madison. He's not so bad once he's away from Jefferson, you know. We had to work on a project together a few weeks ago and it was actually fine. Now when he's with Jefferson on the other hand -"  
   
John was listening to Alex with a fond smile on his face, running his fingers through Alex's dark locks. He was barely keeping track of what Hamilton was talking about, switching so rapidly from one topic to the next. But still, Laurens didn't mind. He was happy to just listen to the sound of Alex's voice, content even. It made him feel safe - and that wasn't a feeling he felt often in his house.

"Oh, hey, Lafayette just sent me a selfie of them all from their movies night. C'mere, we'll send one back." John felt a twinge of guilt at the thought of their friends, and how he (and ultimately by extension, Alex) had to cancel on them. Nonetheless, he let Alex pull his head next to his and smiled - albeit, a little stiffly - at the camera.

"Thank you again for-"

"John! I _know,_ alright? You have nothing to be thankful for, I was happy to help! Please, stop thanking me." Alex said pleadingly, only half joking. John quietened, but the guilt continued to bubble in his chest.

"So your dad will be back tomorrow then?"

"No, probably the day after tomorrow. But he normally arrives super early in the morning, so." John admitted.

"Why did he even have to leave so suddenly anyways?"

"Business." John left it at that, not wanting to reveal anything even close to the truth. Alex hummed, accepting the answer at face value - not questioning it further.

"Well, whatever the case, I'm happy I get to spend the night with you. We don't get to do this often. If only the kids weren't around." Alex sighed wistfully, playfully looking off into the distance. John burst in to giggles and shoved Alex away.

"Please don't take about sex when my kid siblings are around." John begged through his giggles.

"Hey, I didn't say anything about sex, that is all on you buddy." Alex replied, patting John's cheek mockingly.

John rolled his eyes, leaning forward to capture Alex in a kiss.

"Hey, Alex. I like you a lot too." He whispered, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Alex's. The younger boy simply smiled in response.

Being with Alex made him feel like nothing could hurt him - like Henry didn't even exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are my outlines once more ENJOY my children (i know im not cool enough for people to call me mom lovingly)
> 
> \- SO there's gonna be a get together right?? But John's gotta dash cos henry's been a dick and left  
> \- john lies and the squad gets angry and confused. congry?? nope thats terrible anyway  
> \- UH OH HERE WE GO THE ANXIETY TRAIN IS PULLING IN AND JOHNS ABOUT TO GET ON BOARD  
> \- :(  
> \- Alex = good bf. good good good. nothing like the real life alexander hoemaliton  
> \- Johnnnnn i love u turtle boi.


	5. something angsty and something cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy April friends! I hope spring is treating you well! As always, thank you for the love that you guys gave me on the last chapter, you all never fail to make my heart swell <3 and for everyone who said they want to adopt John: I'm right there with you guys! We should start a "John Laurens Defence Squad" cos I would be so down for that.
> 
> No extra warnings for this chapter except what you might find already tagged. Thanks!

_"Sometimes I can't sleep at night."_

_Alex was whispering, his words melting into the dark room as the moonlight barely cast a shadow over the bed. They were huddled under the covers for warmth as the wind outside whistled softly. It had just barely turned winter, and John could feel the chill dancing along his spine._

_"Hmm?"_

_John was equally as quiet, equally as soft. They had only just began dating, but he already knew that Alex had difficulty opening up. He'd built walls so high that John could barely see the cracks through it; his past so cemented into the stone that John couldn't quite break the walls down. But he knew Alex was trying, and he knew he had to be patient. So patience it was._

_"I just, I dunno. I've been living with the Washington's for months now and it's great, it really is. I've been living in America for years now even and I wouldn't change it for the world. But sometimes, when I close my eyes, I see the island. And I see my neighbours, my few friends, even the beggars sometimes. And then... I just don't want to open them. So I try not to sleep at all."_

_John was a little shaken by that, if he's honest. Alex is fragile like this, even if his tone is neutral and his voice hard. But his eyes - they're different. His eyelashes cast shadows along his cheek delicately, and he looks into the distance just past John's head with just the slightest of wistfulness. John's heart could break._

_"And then," Alex began once more, "sometimes I see my mother." His voice cracked a little._

_"I was young when she died. But I do remember her - sick, mostly. She was always sick though. I was always sick. We were poor, it's what happened. She died holding me, you know." The way he said it so casually, with a sad smile, made John hold him a little tighter._

_"I just wish I could see her. I wish I could go back, to an easier time, when life didn't seem so... I don't know, strange I guess? Everything still feels strange, like sometimes this isn't really home. But then I remember I have you," Alex smiles for real now, looks up at him above his long lashes, "and I guess you just make me realise that this is home. Or, even if it isn't, it should be. And I just- thank you for that, John. Just- yeah, thanks."_

_John doesn't know what to say: speechless in every sense of the word. So he acts instead. He leans down slowly, presses his forehead against Alex's, exhales. It's not enough, but it's all he's got._

_In that moment was the very first time John thought Alex was invincible._

_It wouldn't be the last._

-

"Jacky, I'm home! Front and centre, boy."

John opened his heavy eyes, glancing to the clock that read 5am, and promptly let out a groan. _Oh joy_ , Henry was home. What a treat John would be in for.

He padded downstairs in only his sweatpants and socks, pausing in the hallway to hear if his siblings had been wakened, and then continued on down when he was satisfied with the silence. His father was in the middle of the hallway, arms crossed, suitcase abandoned by the door. John almost sighed before remembering exactly who he was about to talk to.

"Morning, father. Good trip?" John began, stopping in front of him (back straight, always, just as Henry would remind him.)

"Yes, yes, good trip. Business as usual, son. But the kids, how were kids? You didn't kill them in my absence did you?" Henry laughed airly - as if a family death could ever been considered a _joke_ in their family. John flinched in response.

"Of course not, father. They're upstairs, still sleeping. They've all made it to school everyday, been clothed, been fed. I've taken care of them. It's fine." John replied tightly, not expecting it to an illicit a response. Or, at least not a grateful one. This was John's job, after all. Fill in the blanks playing "Daddy" when Henry couldn't be bothered to.

Henry hummed at the answer. He seemed to accept it when he nodded a moment later.

"Well alright then, I'm off to bed. Please tend to the children for school, Jack. I'm far too tired after my travels." He motioned lightly, walking past John. The smell of alcohol was so strong that John couldn't help but choke, his senses overwhelmed. Henry paused, turning to face John once more with a frown.

"Problem, John?" He said, moving forward, shoving his son.

"No, father. Just coming down with something, I think." John gritted out, attempting to keep his voice neutral. _Never let him see you sweat._

"Oh, yes, I see. Of course you are, my poor little Jacky." Henry said sarcastically, shoving John by his collarbones again, pushing him to the floor. John's shoulder scraped against a table sitting in the hallway, hard enough to cause a gash for sure. John grit his teeth together when he felt the blood begin to seep through, and desperately tried to pressurise the wound whilst his sides also pulsed with pain from the hard floors.

"There's some tablets in the kitchen for that pesky flu you say you're coming down with. And John? Think before you act next time." Henry said sternly, once and for all, turning out of the room.

-

From Alex :) : is your dad back yet?

John glanced towards Alex across the classroom, who was staring at him back, his phone under the table, waving it pointedly. John glanced towards the teacher who was sitting at his desk grading tests, looking ready to fall asleep, before hesitantly typing back.

To Alex :) : yea, got back this morning. why?

Alex raised an eyebrow.

From Alex :) : what do you mean, why? bc I'm worried about you asshole

Alex gave him a flat look across the room, and John sheepishly messaged him back.

To Alex :) : ok, I'm sorry. it's just a tricky subject

From Alex :) : I get that. I just worry about u, bae

John almost burst out in a fit of giggles, and Alex smirked from his at the other side of the room.

To Alex :) : bae???

From Alex :) : yeah bae, what are u gonna do about it???

The bell rang, and Alex was the first one out of his seat, waiting at John's desk before John had even packed away his (quite frankly unused) textbook.

"C'mon bae, if we don't make it to lunch in time Jeffershit's gonna steal my seat _again_. I can't have that, John." Alex said defiantly, grabbing onto one of John's hands as they made their way out of the classroom and into the hallway.

"Okay, I gotta ask. Bae? Where did _that_ come from?" John asked. He caught Charles Lee's eye in the hallway, the captain's eye flitting between their hands and John's eyes. John held Alex's hand tighter - if Alex noticed, he didn't mention.

"Well, I don't really know myself to be honest, but I heard Eliza call Maria that and those two aren't even dating! So if Eliza can refer to Maria like that, why can't I to you? I mean, at least we're actually dating."

"Because it's cringy as hell Alex! Eliza is just adorable enough to pull it off, but you? I don't know, Ham. I can't see it working." John teased playfully.

"Okay, fine, whatever. I'm not cute, I get it. Thanks John. That's my self-esteem _down the toilet_. But, you know, fine. I'm good. Whatever." Alex said, stalking ahead to the lunchroom. John giggled in response, racing to catch up with him, falling into him like the two giggling messes they were.

-

Later that afternoon found Lafayette, John, Hercules and Alex crammed in Alex's room, all scattered around: Lafayette sitting on the beanbag in the corner whilst Hercules was nestled on the floor playing video games.

"So, mes amies, how are you all? It has been so long!" Lafayette exclaimed, rising from his spot and falling onto the bed were Alex and John sat.

"Oh my gosh, y'all are so dramatic. We saw each at school. _Today_." Hercules said from the floor, eyes not moving from the screen.

"So. Long." Lafayette repeated dramatically, his eyes widening for effect.

"Well, I'm great. I finished my essay for Franklin's class today, it was a bitch, but I got there. And debate was fucking amazing, you should have seen Jefferson's face when I totally schooled him. Even Madison clapped for me, _Madison_! He's basically Jefferson's puppy dog and he still clapped for me! I'm telling you, you guys should have been there. It's the best day of school I've had in a long time." Alex replied hastily in what felt like one breath.

Although Hercules and Lafayette nodded along absentmindedly, only half paying attention to what he was actually saying; John listened to every word, captivated by Alexander. How his brow crinkled the more excited he got, and how his lips curled just slightly at the edge when he mentioned Jefferson's name. The way just the bearing of his dimples appeared when he reached the end of his monologue, his breath catching up to him in slow pants.

John was mesmerised.

"John? Dude, anyone in there?" John snapped out of his thoughts, looking up at Hercules who had at some point moved from the floor and joined them on the bed.

"You okay, man?" He said, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

"Of course he is Hercules, he was just staring at his boyfriend!" Lafayette singsonged, fluttering his eyes. Alex laughed along, blush tinting the top of his cheekbones.

"Sorry, what was the question?" John asked, not at all ashamed of being caught out. Hercules rolled his eyes.

"We just asked how your day was, man."

"Oh," John frowned, "my day was okay I guess. Not nearly as exciting as Alex's." He smiled towards his boyfriend who was already smiling back.

"Oh c'mon, there's gotta be more than that. How was your _week_ then?" Hercules asked instead, leaning forward to punch John's shoulder.

John pursed his lips in pain, holding the yelp threatening to slip out of his throat as Hercules placed pressure onto the bruises littering his shoulder. Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, it was okay as well. The boys have been such a pain recently, always chasing each other around and teaming up to steal my phone. What do they even want with my phone?" John hurried to answer, trying to hide his pain.

"You just don't want them to see all of your sexy texts to Alex, non?" Lafayette teased, smirking when John began to blush.

"What- no, me and Alex, we don't. We don't text those things guys don't be gross." John said indigently. This was better than them interrogating his home life at least.

Lafayette wiggles his eyebrows, "Mmm okay. I don't believe you, but sure, okay."

John opened his mouth to reply when Alex cut in, "No, John, let him believe what he wants. In fact, because he's so curious, let's tell him everything, shall we? One time, when me and John were texting, he said this once thing and I almost-"

"Laf, see what you did! Oh, man." Hercules cried, smacking a pillow over the Frenchmen's head.

"Ah! Is this a battle, young Hercules?" Lafayette returned, reaching for his own pillow and retaliating fiercely by throwing the pillow into Hercules side.

"If it gets you to shut up about Alex and John's _sex life_ then sure!" Hercules shouted back, bandana slipping down his face.

"It wasn't me speaking! It was Alex."

Hercules and Lafayette both turned to Alex, sitting cross-legged innocently enough, with manic grins on their faces. Alex whooped with joy when they attacked him with pillows, grabbing his own to hit them back.

"C'mon John! They're attacking me, protect your boyfriend for Gods sake!" Alex yelled towards him, his voice muffled by the pillows.

John didn't get the chance to reply before pillows were being thrown onto of him also, and by the second, third, _fourth_ hit he could help but the whimper of pain that escaped. By the fifth, sixth, _seventh_ he was pushing the pillows away.

"Guys, stop, please." John breathed, rubbing his shoulder slightly.

"You okay, dude?" Hercules inquired, stopping immediately.

"Yeah- I just, sensitive spot."

"Oh, mon ami, let me see." Lafayette said softly, reaching out to touch John's arms. John jumped with pain, recoiling from the touch.

The room was silent, Hercules and Lafayette looking curiously at each other whilst John had his eyes locked the bed sheets. And Alex: he was staring at John blankly.

"C'mon, Laf. I think we should, uh, go before we miss the bus. We'll text you guys." Hercules said slowly, patting Lafayette on the shoulder in order to get him to move as well. Although he didn't look as though he wanted to go, Lafayette eventually joined him and the door closed with a soft click.

The silence that fell lasted for minutes, and John counted each passing second.

"So," Alex began, "what was that all about?" His voice was void of emotion, calm and neutral - like a teacher investigating a child being bullied.

"It was nothing." John was clearly the child unwilling to talk, afraid that if he let too much out then the older kids would only target him more.

"That wasn't nothing, John. _This_ ," he reached forward, lightly pressing into John's shoulder enough for John shiver in pain, "isn't nothing."

"It was _nothing_." John could feel himself growing more furious each time Alex prodded him to speak.

Alex punched his shoulder again, and John flinched back, hissing in pain.

"Oh yeah? What's that then, John?" Alex pressed, eyes narrowing.

"Oh come off it Alex! I knocked into the shower rack, give me a break!"

"Oh yeah? Then how come I don't _believe you_ , John?" Although his voice was seething with anger, but his eyes were beginning to brim with tears. John clenched his fists.

"Well I don't know, Alex. Do you not trust me?"

"This isn't about trust, John! This is about the fact that something is happening to you, way worse than you're letting on, and I can't figure out what! I need you to tell me John, please just tell me." Alex shouted, voice wavering. John's eyes fell to the floor, and swallowed harshly.

"Alex, I just. I'm sorry for making you cry, don't cry, shit." He whispered, shuffling closer.

"You don't have to apologise for that. But- don't you trust _me_?"

John bit his lip - the question was tricky, laced with a dozen other questions he absolutely did not want to answer. Because, of course he trusts Alex, is the thing. Alex was, well, everything. Everything to John, everything in the entire world. John would be a fool not to trust him, he was already so close to him, already so.. so fond? No, attached? The word he was looking for couldn't quite catch his tongue.

But, the point was, that Alex was about one of the few things that John found he could trust. And keeping all the nonsensical issues that he had with his father away from Alex wasn't over a matter of trust - just as Alex had said. It was over a matter of shame. John was _ashamed_ that his father treated him the way he did - ashamed that John probably deserved it sometimes, too. And if Alex found out Henry treated John the way he did then, God, would he be hurt. He'd be devastated - he was already devastated at the mere thought. But, not only that. Because, Alex could also agree with Henry, maybe. Agree that John was a disaster on legs, that he deserved all he had coming. Maybe it would make Alex want to leave.

And what was he without Alex, really?

"I trust you. I do. And I need you to trust me too, okay? I would tell you if something worse was happening, I swear. Please, Alex, baby, you gotta believe me. Please." The words burned John's mouth, the lying physically making him cringe. But he had to do what he had to do: he was protecting Alex. And a selfish part was protecting himself as well.

Alex stared at him for a moment, eyes blinking away the stray tears that had been steadily making their way down his cheek. A stray hair curled behind his ear, the cat flap could be heard swinging back and forth from downstairs. And Alex was staring.

"Okay." He said eventually, turning in on himself slightly.

"Okay," he repeated, stronger this time, "but if something else happens- John. I'm here for you, okay? I- shit, I love you John."

The room stilled. Stars appeared. They circled Alex's head, slowly, brightly, consuming him. Alex's sunken face, messy with tears, too messy for any 17 year old, seemed so bright. So exuberant. So perfect.

John exhaled, "I love you too."

"Yeah?" Alex whispered, mouth quirking up at the sides.

"Yeah, yeah I do." John said, shuffling closer, bumping his forehead on Alex's like he did all so long ago.

"Good, 'cause I love you back." Alex replied, kneeling foreword, circling his arms around John's neck.

John laughed breathily, leaning forward and catching Alex in a kiss. They giggled, nipping at each other's lips back and foreword before Alex pulled him closer, slipped a tongue into his mouth.

"I love you, I love you, I love you." John murmured between kisses, barely taking a second to finish each phrase before he was repeating it over and over. Alex laughed giddily, kissing him so fervidly that John forgot about the pain.

"Look at us, a disgusting couply mess." Alex laughed, leaning back to look at John.

"Yeah, I guess. Wouldn't have it any other way. I'm glad if I had to be disgustingly couply with someone then it gets to be with you." John smiled, slipping his fingers into Alexander's hair, letting his fingers dance through the locks.

"Yeah, me too. I guess. Eliza's pretty cute?" Alex teased, laughing when John attacked him with his fingers, tickling him anywhere he could reach.

"Take it back, Alex! You _love me_ , remember?" John giggled, straddling the shorter boy.

"Okay, okay! You're cuter." John raised an eyebrow. "Okay! Damn, you're the cutest."

"Better." John replied smugly.

"And I love you." Alex spoke, softer now, as though it was a secret.

"That's real nice, because I'm never letting you go now."

"Oh, never? You make that sound like a challenge."

"Nah, it's not a challenge if I know I'm going win."

The two sat, for hours maybe, messing around in Alex's room, talking about anything and everything.

And that night, for the very first time, John thought maybe he could be as invincible as Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, enjoy.
> 
> \- dun dun dun dun FLASHBACK /cute/  
> \- GUESS WHOS BACK, BACK AGAIN (Henry is and the crowd booes)  
> \- BAE cos I couldn't help myself it was cute leave me alone  
> \- A FIGHT BC I LIVE FOR THE ANGST  
> \- joHN BABES. You just gotta tell Alex man!!! But we all get why u don't (hopefully)  
> \- EDIT: IM ADDING THIS IN BC I WASNT PLANNING FOR ANY ILYS. BUT SHIT HAPPENS I GUESS


	6. henry is a mess™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dears, I hope you're all doing well! As ever, thank you for the response to the latest chapter, I get overwhelmed and elated with each and every single comment - each and every one of you guys are truly a blessing. Sorry about the slow update - job, school, moving house. But we got there at least!!
> 
> WARNINGS for this chapter!!:
> 
> Very **graphic** violence near the end of the chapter, both verbal and physical. Pls be careful!!

Weekends were never a blessing to John as they were to most teenagers. To John, it was simply more time spent with his father, and thus more time hating his own sheer existence. He didn't have his friends to relieve the stress, and he certainly didn't have Alex to help him through it. He was rarely even allowed to make plans with them, not really, because weekends were "family time" according to Henry Laurens. John wasn't sure when 'family time' had become quite so miserable, but as it stands, it was. And that was just something John had to endure over the 48 hours. Not matter how much he despised it.

It was 7.30am on a Saturday morning, the sun was slowly breaking through the clouds and a breeze swept through the Laurens' kitchen. Each child was sitting eating their porridge, John included, with Henry sat at the head of the table as always. The room sat in what might be perceived to be a comfortable silence, but John felt his skin prickle with anxiety anyways.

"So," Henry cleared his throat, breaking the exhausted silence, "I would like to go over this weekends plan with you all." He said sternly, and each child dropped their utensils to listen in. Each kid (even Mary-Eleanor) seemed apprehensive of what he might suggest - with Henry, it could be anything.

"I was thinking that maybe we could go to the fair today."

Shocked silence fell upon the table, and the younger children turned to each other with disbelief, excited grins forming. John turned to look at Martha, who had a small smile gracing her face as well. John wanted to smile too, but - he just couldn't believe it. His father never let them do anything fun, and definitely not as a family activity. The fair was especially something that seemed off limits to them - they hadn't gone to the faire since his mother died. But even Henry was smiling, and John let the tiniest bit of hope peak through.

"Really? The fair? Do you mean it daddy?" Mary-Eleanor said happily, springing out her seat and into her fathers lap. Henry caught her with ease, and smiled down towards her softly.

"Of course, my little sweetheart. Why don't you all get ready now, and we can leave by 8.00?" He asked the group, and they were all out of the kitchen within seconds. Except for John - he lingered, curious and hesitant.

"C'mon Jack, you need to get a ready too! Don't you want to go to the fair?" Henry asked, a genuine smile on his face.

"I - yes, father, of course. Sorry." John replied, standing up immediately and moving towards the exit.

"Nothing to be sorry for Jack." He said, before clapping his hands, "You've got to get a move on, though! We don't want to be late!" He said, moving to clear up the kitchen.

As John got ready, he couldn't help but wonder what had come over his father. Henry seemed to be a whole person - definitely not the cruel, abusive father that John had gotten used to over the years.

Surely this wasn't right. Surely his father wasn't being nice, just for the sake of it. Right? It had to be mistake, there had to be a catch - there always was.

"Kids, come on, time to go!" Henry singsonged, and the scampering of feet tittered around the hallways. John rose with a sigh, making his way downstairs. '

 _'Hopefully today won't be a disaster,'_ he thought, _'Hopefully.'_

-

The car ride there was surprisingly pleasant, John soon found out. The kids were chatting away like always, and at first, John was unsure what to say - what, with being stuck in the front seat next to his father. So boy was he surprised when Henry was the one to break the silence.

"So, son, how's football going?"

 _'He called me son...'_ John thought in wonder, before coughing into his hand after a too long pause of silence and answering the question.

"Football's great, Dad. We think we have a real shot this year." He smiled, polite and well-trained.

"Ah, fantastic! I don't doubt that you're a star player. I'm so happy that you're doing well." Henry replied happily. He was even wearing Dad attire - decked out in khaki shorts and a red polo shirt, even a baseball cap to match. John could hardly recognise the man.

"Thank you, Dad. I'm happy too." He said, folding his hands in his lap.

It was hard to trust the situation - Henry was so... so _opposite_ of how he was acting. But John realised that maybe, even if this was a one time only thing, then he should at least take advantage of it. He couldn't throw away his shot; his one shot of happiness, even just for a day. If Henry turned out to be a dick tomorrow, then at least John would've been able to experience how a father should act.

So, fuck it, he thought. He might as well make the most of it.

The fair was bustling by the time they arrived, the warm day encouraging what seemed to be the majority of Charleston out and to the faire. There were rides and food stalls and games everywhere - it was every kids dream, and the Laurens clan were no exception.

"Oh daddy, please can we go play the games! I wanna win a goldfish!" Mary-Eleanor exclaimed, her older brother giving her a ride on his back.

She leaned forward, whispering into John's ear, "I'm gonna call him Michael." John couldn't help the burst of laughter that bubbled out of him.

"You do that." He whispered back, patting her leg. She screamed with delight as John spun her around before letting her down to the ground.

"No way!" Junior butt in, reaching up to tug on the end of Henry's shirt, "I wanna go on the rides! I'm tall enough this year, _finally!_ "

All of the kids surrounded Henry, shouting what they each wanted to, Henry smiling at them all in amusement, trying to break in to explain that they could all get a go at what they wanted to do. John hung back a little, also smiling at their antics, feeling happiness bubble inside of him at the scene.

"John!" His head whipped around at the sound of Lafayette's voice, and he broke into a grin at the sight of his friends. Not moments later he found himself surrounded by all 6 of his friends.

"What're you doing at the fair? We didn't know you'd be hear!" Peggy screeched, jumping on John's back much like Mary-Eleanor had not long before.

"I'm sorry Pegs, I didn't know until this morning. And you guys are one to talk! What are y'all doing here?" He asked, dropping Peggy to the floor and toppling down as well as she pulled him with her, leaving them a laughing, tangled mess.

"Maybe you should check the group chat once and a while and you would know, asshole." It was Alex this time, smirking down at him, teasing him. John smiled at him, features softening immediately. His hair was loosely pulled back, baby hairs falling out of place and curling around his head. The sun created a halo around his face, and John swears he could angels sing. When Alex reached down to offer him a hand, John didn't hesitant to grab it, butterflies forming at the touch (even after all this time).

"Why is nobody here to help _me_ up! You've left me, all alooone." She whined from the floor, and Angelica rolled her eyes before lending her a hand.

"So, John, you're here with your family?" Eliza prompted, glancing towards John's family still crowding Henry from a few feet away.

"Yeah, Dad just mentioned this morning." He shrugged.

"Well, why don't you come hang out with us since you're here?" Peggy exclaimed excitedly, but was quietened by the pointed looks everyone but John shot her. "What?" She said confusedly.

"John!" Henry cut in, saving Joh from having to answer Peggy's curious state.

"Yes, father?" He said, straightening up.

"The kids and I are going to the rides right now, I don't suppose you'd like to join?" He asked, though John felt the demand through what was posed as a question, and made to follow him. Imagine his surprise when Henry stopped him with a gentle hand to his shoulder.

"Unless, son, you'd like to spend the day with your friends?"

John paused, raising an eyebrow towards his father.

"Really? You wouldn't mind?" He asked hesitantly, shooting a glance towards his friends and then back to his father.

"Well, I don't see why not! As long as your back here at 5pm sharp, feel free to hang with your friends. But 5pm sharp Jack, I mean it." He said, tilting his head forward as if to confirm the situation. It was weird - Henry was acting like a real Dad. Giving him real Dad orders - instead of being dragged away from his friends and being forced to babysit his siblings, he was simply being given a curfew. It felt weird. It felt _unreal_.

"Uh, yeah, that would be great Dad. Thank you." He said, disbelieving.

"Anytime, son. But remember, 5pm, okay?" Henry said sternly. Once John quickly nodded, he smiled at John and his friends before grabbing the kids and leading them to the rides.

John turned back to the group, who looked as bewildered as he felt. Alex had his eyebrows furrowed; staring at John, questioning him - this wasn't the Henry Laurens John had described. This wasn't the man who screamed at them and abandoned them for days at a time. John sent him a private look - a look that said he was as clueless as Alex.

"They're doing it _again_ guys." Angelica complained, breaking the heavy silence. "How do you even have a conversation with your eyes?!"

"It's a secret." Alex replied, eyes not moving from John's.

"Yeah, it's a secret." John agreed. Alex lips quirked up in a - well, in a secret sort of way, and the tension was gone.

"Well I, for one, would like to go fulfil my America experience now." Lafayette said with a flick of his hand, weaving through the group and leading them to the array of food stalls. The group followed behind him, rolling their eyes with Hercules whining about _'You've been in America for 10 years Laf, give it a rest.'_

"Well that was new." Alex said bluntly, never one to shy from the truth, him a John lagging behind the group for a moment.

"I know right? I just woke up and it was like he was a different guy." John said in wonder, still not really believing his own ears.

"Well, hey. Just be careful, okay? And let me know if anything changes." Alex said quietly, bumping his arm against John's (the most amount of affection they could probably show in public).

"Always." John replied, before suddenly tugging on Alex's arm and catching them up to the group. It was a perfect opportunity for a change in discussion - and John sighed with relief when the attention was officially off of him.

-

The fair was probably the most amount of fun John had ever had in his life (well, okay, that's probably not true, but it felt like it). He and his friends spent the whole day trying different foods, playing cheesy games, riding _all_ of the rides (and if John kissed Alex at the top of the Ferris wheel, then nobody needed to know).

It was just so much _fun_. Thus, when he checked his watch and noticed he was five minutes past five, he felt his stomach clench with fear.

" _Shit_ , guys, I'm sorry, I gotta go. Late." It was all he could offer as an explanation before he dashed away to the same spot he had left his father, the sun still beating on his back.

He made it back to their meeting place in under thirty seconds, anxious to see his father waiting with the gaggle of children. He swallowed harshly.

"Ah, Jack, at last! Did you have a good day?" Henry asked pleasantly, the children huffing with relief when they saw they're brother and making a move for the car.

"Uh, yeah, it was great dad. Loads of fun. What about you guys?" He asked hesitantly, unsure of how to read the situation. John had broken direct orders, orders that his father had given him under the agreement of a compromise. In any other circumstance, Henry would have John's head on a pitchfork by now.

"Oh my, we had the best time. Mary-Eleanor won a goldfish, as you can see. And what did she name it? Michael, of all things. What a strange little girl we have in this family." Henry chuckled, unlocking the car and letting the kids pile in.

"Hey, Michael's a good name! And he's a good fish, probably the best fish actually." Mary-Eleanor replied a matter-of-factly, sticking her tongue out at her father. John almost rubbed his eyes to make sure he was seeing correctly when his father stuck his tongue out back.

"What did you and your friends do, Jack?" Henry asked John, reversing the car out of the space and beginning the journey home.

"Oh, you know, just what teenagers do at these things. Eat, go on rides, try not to throw up." He laughed, relaxing a little when Henry burst out in laughter in agreement.

"Oh, don't I know it. The days me and the guys used to spend at these things were always crazy. Fun, but crazy." He said, sighing in the way when does when looking back fondly at their past.

"Oh, really? The fair was about back then?"

"What - you don't think I'm that old, do you?! Of course it was, son. And it was a great load of fun too. It was even where I took your mother on our first day." He said softly, eyes flickering into the mirror to look at the kids.

John turned to face his father full on, surprised to hear him talking about John's mother so openly. He very, very rarely done that.

"Yeah? Did she enjoy it?"

"Well, I got a second date, didn't I?" He said, smirking, raising an eyebrow.

John laughed in response, "Yeah, I guess you did."

"She was a real fox back in the day, your mother. All the guys were after her."

"Yeah, she was the best." John agreed, eyes falling to his lap.

"Hey, son," Henry began, reaching over to jolt John's arm, "your mother would be proud of you. Real proud, in fact. You've done well, John." He said, smiling just a little. John let a smile slowly grow.

"Really? You really think so?"

"I know so, John. I know so."

-

Sunday didn't pass with much fuss. They all attended church in the morning, as they did each Sunday morning, but John found that he didn't hate it as much as he usually did.

They had their customary Sunday brunch, as they did each Sunday in the early afternoon, but John found that he didn't find it as awkward as he normally did.

Then the kids were forced to complete the rest of their homework due for Monday, as they were told to do each Sunday by mid afternoon, but for once John actually felt sort of motivated to do so.

Huh. He could get used to this.

By dinner, John felt happier than he ever had in his own home since his mother died. He felt elated, sitting at dinner, making jokes with his brothers, hearing gossip from his sisters, talking sports with his father. They felt unbroken. They felt like a family.

There was a point where John had thought that he would never forgive his father. That the damage his father had caused was too destructive, too damaging that it could simply never be fixed. Not with a sorry, not with a million sorry's in the world. And yet - this life that his father was creating, maybe that would suffice. Maybe this was all he needed. He didn't need any sorry's at all, he didn't need his father to apologise, to beg for forgiveness, to grovel. Because if it was going to be like this from now on, then John would be happy to give out all the forgiveness in the world for free. Living like a real family was payment enough.

-

Of course, as it always does, everything went to shit.

It was later that night, past midnight for sure, and John blearily walked downstairs and into the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway momentarily when he saw his father sitting. He blinked a few more times, his eyes still watering, unable to truly see before shrugging and moving forward.

 _You don't have to be scared anymore,_ he reminded himself. With that in mind, he broke the silence.

"Dad, you know, I just wanted to thanks. For this weekend, you know?" John said absently, almost giddily, moving to grab a glass from the cupboard.

"I just," John continued, not allowing the silence to sit, "I really love spending family time with you guys. And this weekend was the best! Don't you think?" He was cut off with a grunt from his father. He froze in his place, unsure of how to react. The bottle of opened whisky caught his eye at the end of the counter. Of _fucking_ course. _Of course_ it was too good to be true. It always was.

"So, yeah, I'll just be going now. Goodnight." He hurried to say, grabbing his water and darting for the exit.

"Stop right now John Laurens, or so help me God." He said slowly, and John halted to a stop, his stomach dropping to the floor. He could feel his hands beginning to sweat, and the anxiety pulled at his throat, his breathing becoming haggard.

"Dad?" John practically whispered, turning in his spot to face his father. His sight was clear now, and he could see the glass Henry was clutching in his hand tight in his grip, and the smile he had been sporting for the entire weekend was completely gone.

"How dare you. How _dare_ you come into this kitchen, past your curfew, speak to me as though I am a _friend_ and not your father, and disrespect me as such." He said gravely, standing up and walking closer to John.

John opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off once more,

"And how absolutely dare you speak about your mother the way you have this past weekend."

John's eyebrows shot up in surprise. That was _certainly_ not what he had been expecting his father to say. John gulped, casting his mind back to the previous two days and - well, yeah, he had talked about his mother a bit. More than he ever had before, at least. But after their chat in the car, John felt more comfortable to open up about her. His mother was one of his most favourite people in the world, and having to bottle up so much about her had been so frustrating for John - had caused a large part of his anxiety and depression that he had been pushing aside for so long.

"But - Dad, I didn't mean to upset you. You should've said, I would've stopped-"

"Oh I should've said? Is that right? I shouldn't have to _say_ these things, John. You should have more respect for myself - for your _mother_ \- to not discuss these things."

"Dad," John tried, but was cut off when his father punched him in the face.

John stumbled back, almost falling to the ground, shocked in his place. His father had never done that before. He'd shoved him, yes. Kicked him too. And slapping John seemed to be one of his favourite activities. But he'd never gone so far as to hit him so aggressively - so violently.

"Dad!" John cried in paid, hurt and shocked, clutching his eye. His father simply punched him again.

John _did_ fall to the floor this time, sobbing with fear, and hurt, and regret. His father kicked him in the ribs, once, twice, three times, and leaned down shove him into the back onto the floor when John tried to get up. Henry continue to kick him, and eventually got his hands around John's throat.

"Dad-" John gasped, his air being cut off more and more each passing second, his eyes watering rapidly - tears falling faster and faster.

"You are a disgrace for a son. You are a disgrace as a _person_. You are a disgrace to your mother." He said lowly, squeezing John's throat, and spat on John's face.

He held John for a few more seconds but to John it felt like an eternity. The longer he held, the more all John could think was, _'My father is going to kill me.'_ He had to get out of there.

He clawed at his fathers hands and his father chuckled in response, releasing him eventually. He kicked him once more as if for fun. John let out a high pitch whine, close to a scream, his whole body aching in pain. Henry laughed in his face.

"Look at you! You're pathetic, John. Pathetic." He muttered, before downing the rest of his whisky with a satisfied sigh. He hummed at he stared down at John, pleased with his work.

"Goodnight, John." He said, leaning down to pat John's cheek, before stumbling out of the the kitchen. John stared after him.

He lay for what felt like an eternity. He felt like he was on fire, every part of his body was screaming in pain. He could only imagine what state he was in - he probably looked like a mess, he _felt_ like a mess. John couldn't understand how this had happened, why did this always happen? His father had been so good to them all weekend, so kind and so loving. John wanted to punch himself for being so reckless and so trusting. So naive.

He eventually pulled himself up with broken, disjointed breaths, and shuffled back upstairs to his room as best as he could, basically crawling up the stairs. He tripped and stumbled many times, clutching his torso but also trying not move his face or shoulders because of the pain he felt. And his _neck_ \- he was surprised he was still breathing.

He made it into his room after 10 agonising minutes of crawling and shuffling. When he got there, he immediately collapsed on his bed. He wasn't crying. He was in too much pain to cry.

He eventually gathered his thoughts as best as he could, and realised he'd probably have to fix himself up. But he didn't want to do that. All he wanted, in fact, was Alex. He wanted Alex to hold him, and to tell him everything was okay, and to kiss him, and love him. He was craving it. Before he couldn't even comprehend what he was doing, he had his phone in his hand and he was dialling Alex's name. Just as the defeated thoughts of _'John what the fuck are you doing Alex is gonna be so pissed that you woke him'_ began to creep in, Alex picked up.

"Hey, what are you doing awake at this time? This isn't like you John." Alex's voice was light, peaceful, teasing. John squeezed his eyes shut.

"John, babe, you there? Did you like, sleep dial me or some shit?" Alex asked, sounding almost fond.

But then, John managed to choke a small, "Alex" into the receiver, and Alex was suddenly zero to one hundred.

"Wait what, John, are you okay? John, shit, what the _fuck_ , where are you?"

"Alex." John whimpered into the phone again, struggling to speak beyond that.

"John, what the fuck is going on?!" Alex shouted into the phone, suddenly verging on tears, panic seeping through his voice.

"Alex, I can't-" John said, turning sleepy, eyes fixed onto the wall in front of him.

"John! Please, shit, okay, I'm calling the police. I'm gonna be over there as fast I can, Martha's gonna drive me, I'll be there soon-"

"No, don't," John coughed, his voice weak. "He'll find you, he'll hurt you."

" _Who_ will hurt me John?" Alex asked manically, trying to be calm as best as he could (but of course, failing dramatically.)

" _Dad_ , Alex. Can't have him... can't have him hurt you." John said, voice growing sleepier with each word.

"What the fuck, okay, I'm coming, we're coming -"

Alex was cut off.

The phone dropped to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOAH my first cliffhanger. That's exciting! I'm not really sure quite how long this fic will be: I'm straying a little from my outline as I go to write each chapter. But I don't imagine we're quite near the end yet, so fear not! 
> 
> Here u go my dears:  
> \- Henry, being, nice, ? Foreign concept  
> \- And here comes in my knowledge of the one American fair I've ever been to. It was so fun tho y'all  
> \- THE SQUAD my favs love <3  
> \- Henry stop making people have a change of heart  
> \- John goes for water: Henry there, Henry mad, Henry hit, John sad, it gets very, very bad  
> \- (I didn't mean for that to rhyme shit)


	7. intense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dears!! I’m so sorry about the lateness of this chapter… it was honestly like a series of disasters. No wifi, moving house, work and then I somehow managed to delete the entire freakin chapter by mistake!!!!!!!!!! ((which was extra annoying bc this chapter has been so hard to write, I mean I basically had a breakdown)) 
> 
> So, yeah, a bit of disaster! But, nonetheless, I finally have it up at last! 
> 
> Thank you all so very much for your comments and love as always!
> 
> Enjoy!

Alex was scared.

Well, okay, he was more than that: furious, seething, livid.

But mostly, he was scared.

He sat restlessly in the hospital waiting room, nervously tapping his foot off of the floor. To his right side, George was sat sleeping with Martha curled up next to him. She’d suggested that Alex should try and sleep some as well, but how could he? His boyfriend was sat in a hospital bed because of his fucking father - he couldn’t sleep on that. So he sat. And he tried not think about everything that had just happened but… it was hard. He just couldn’t get his brain to stop thinking about it: he couldn’t _not_ think about it.

 

-

 

When the line cut off, Alex felt helpless. He couldn’t comprehend what had just happened; his mind was numb. 

He stood for what felt like several minutes, phone still clutched to his ear, breaking down in broken, ugly, disjointed sobs until Martha suddenly rushed in, hair a mess and with hastily flung pyjamas on. He could vaguely recall Martha petting his hair, trying to calm his crying and anxiety but failing miserably. 

Alex’s mind was spinning, thoughts racing one after another, all fragmented and messy. He could hardly make out one coherent sentence from another.

His first thought was, of course: _‘what the fuck, is John okay, is John_ _dead_ _?’._ His heart clenched at the thought. After that was: his suspicious were confirmed. Henry’s abuse went well, well past what John had let on… which lead him to his final thought. 

He was going to fucking _kill_ Henry Laurens. 

He heard George tumble in, no doubt confused and taking in the scene before him: a sobbing, shocked Alexander and a confused, erratic Martha attempting to calm him down. Alex could hear him ask what was happening, what was wrong, how could he help, but at the same time, he couldn’t really hear anything. All he could hear was John over and over again in his mind,

_"Dad, Alex. Can't have him... can't have him hurt you."_

Yes, Alex was _livid._

Alex needed to be with John as soon as possible — John could be _hurt_ and Alex wasn’t with him. He needed to be _with him_ , goddammit. 

Before his mind could even catch up with his body, he was running frantically around his room, collecting his keys and wallet, shoving his tear stained phone in his pocket. He only had one destination in mind: getting to John as soon as possible. When he made a quick move to the exit, he was blocked by a large, and understandably confused, George Washington.

“Alex, what is the meaning of this?! Sit down, _calm_ down and explain to us what’s going on. _Now_.” 

Alex silenced at that. Martha guided him towards his bed with gentle hand on his arm, and she sat him down slowly, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. His breathing was still irregular, and his heart felt as though it was going to plummet it out of his chest. He could feel the hurt, the worry, the _anger_ course through him rapidly, weaving with each other and messing with Alexander’s head. All he wanted was John.

Martha coached him patiently through his tears until his breathing was normal once more and his tears had slowed down. Only then did Alex begin to speak, as Martha and George stared at him expectedly. 

“It’s John… his dad, he- he hurt him really, really bad. I need to be with him, I need to get to him - ” He was cut off by another broken sob. 

George’s eyes had widened and Martha had lifted a hand to her mouth in shock - unable to believe it. Alex startled when Martha suddenly jumped up from her place on the bed.

“George, get the car keys. We’re going over to the Laurens’ household right now.” Martha said abruptly, hauling a still shaky Alex up and marching out the room.

“What, Martha, we can’t - ” George tried to interrupt.

“Like hell we can’t.” Martha said hotly, leaving George with no choice but to follow her.

Martha called the emergency services in the car; her voice calm but her eyes nervous. She was careful to leave Henry’s name out of it - not wanting anything worse to happen to John if Henry was somehow not held accountable. George drove them straight to the hospital, despite Alex’s protests from the backseat. Alex had cried that he needed to be with John, to hold him and protect him - but Martha’s reminder of exactly who Henry Laurens was, was enough to quieten Alex and let them go straight to the hospital.

And now Alex was here, waiting in the hospital with nothing left to think of other than the fate of his boyfriend. He was _unable_ to think of anything else apart from John. How could Henry do what he’d done? How could he hurt John the way he had hurt him? John was everything to Alex; how could Henry not feel the same way?

Even from an unbiased position, John was the perfect son. He had perfect grades, a beautiful and kind (albeit, fake) girlfriend, he was polite and well-mannered and one of the strongest players on the football team. He was well-loved by the entire community - Alex couldn’t think of a single person who didn’t love John Laurens (apart from, apparently, his own father). John was simply above and beyond the perfect son. Alex had struggled to understand what now seemed like the _minor_ abuse in how Henry treated his children… now, he absolutely could not understand this level of abuse.

Alex continued to sit, thinking about John, his mind running in circles. He even cast his mind back to some of his first memories of John - anything to distract him from the pain he was currently feeling right now.

He remembered when had John first asked him out on a date: how he had felt so lucky, so disbelieving that a boy as hot, as kind, as _wonderful_ as John could be stood in front of him, a nervous, shaky mess, and could ask _him_ to go out on a date. It was one of the most exhilarating experiences of Alex’s life. He’d never felt so blessed before.

And he remembered when they had first said I love you. How Alex had let it slip, hot-tempered and still pent up on energy and hurt and anguish, how - how they’d been fighting about John’s relationship with his father.

How had Alex never known? How had he not been able to see what was going on? All of the signs were there: how skittish John was when someone mentioned his father, how skittish he was _in general._ How he was careful to always cover his upper arms and thighs for days in a row, how he’d flinch when someone would hit him despite the fact he was a _football_ player and would have to play rough all the time. How when Alex would mention violence, or fighting, John would suddenly become shielded and as though he was wearing a façade.

Shit. How had Alex not realised?

He wanted to cry even more, even though he wasn’t sure crying anymore was possible. So he just rearranged himself on his seat and stared off into the distance, cursing at himself for not realising sooner… how had he not realised sooner?

When they reached the 1am mark, Alex felt like he was going insane. He had watched every nurse, hoping that one would stop to tell him about John. After the twenty second nurse had stopped by without a second glance, Alex’s hope had officially dimmed. He pulled out his phone, fiddling with it back and forth in his hands, before weakly remembering that his friends probably deserved to know about John’s whereabouts — and about the situation at hand. So, he opened the group chat and began to type, not even minding the fact that it was verging on 1am. His friends would still be awake anyway. 

 

 

'alEXTRAnder's last fight: 0 days’

 

‘alexander hoemailton’: Guys something bad has happened

 

‘lizard’: somethin bad has always happened with u,,, no offence

 

‘baguetti spaghetti’: hahahaha how u say BURN

 

‘PEGGY’: OMG let him speak u bag of hoes

 

‘hunkules’: whats wrong with u alex tell mama herc

 

‘alexander hoemaliton’: I’m being serious, guys. John is in the hospital. It was his dad.

 

‘baguetti spaghetti’: MERDE MERDE MERDE 

 

‘PEGGY’: WTF FOR REAL ILL BE RIGHT THERE OMG

 

‘angel’: wth no peggy we cant but i’ll drive u me and liza in the morning but ALEX is he okay?!?!

 

‘hunkules’: alex??? is he okay?!?!?!?

 

‘hunkules’: alex?!?!?!!?!?

 

Alex ignored the incessant buzzing, distracted by a nurse stepping into the waiting room. 

“Is there anyone here for John Laurens?”

Alex jumped immediately at the name, jostling George and then Martha awake.

“Yes, _yes,_ hi, is he okay?” Alex spoke rapidly to the nurse, who simply smiled and waited for him to finish.

“He’s fine. He’s badly beaten, and really quite injured, but he’s going to be okay.” She smiled when he was done. “I heard it was a Ms. Martha Washington who called the ambulance?” She asked, and Martha stepped forward to explain the situation - how John and Alex were _close friends_ and that Alex had received an alarming phone call, indicating that he’d been hurt. Alex swallowed at the word choice.

“Yes, I see. Well, thank you for having the initiative to call an ambulance, you’ll be surprised by how little people do. Now would any of you happen to know where his family are?”

Alex hesitated, and glanced towards George and Martha, who gave him unsure looks back. Eventually George stepped forward to answer the question.

“We’re actually unsure on the whereabouts of John’s father, currently. His mother has passed away.” George explained. The nurse nodded in understanding, jotting notes down on her clipboard.

“Thank you for letting me know. I’ll try to get in touch with his father, he’s listed as his next of kin so hopefully he’ll be here soon. For the moment, John’s asking to see an Alexander Hamilton? I take it that’s you, sweetie?” She asked towards Alex, and gave a light and tired chuckle when Alex nodded eagerly.

“Okay, head on in. He’s in room 33B but please, remember to be gentle. He’s got some pretty bad injuries and he needs to recover. Alright?”

Alex nodded, distracted and already making his way down the hallway. He reached the door and cautiously made his way inside, mentally bracing himself for what he might see.

Turns out, no amount of bracing could prepare him for what he saw.

John looked… broken. One of his arms was in a sling, and his leg was propped up on a pillow with bandages wrapped tight around it. Alex could just see through his hospital gown that his ribs were tightly wrapped in bandages also. His face was pretty bruised, with stitches covering the upper side of his forehead. Alex could barely believe his eyes… How was this his John? How was his sweet, wonderful, perfect John now so battered and bruised?

“Alex, hey.” John smiled slightly, his head lolling over to the side to face him.

“John,” Alex voice broke. “John, hi, how are you? Or, well, not how are you but… shit. I love you.” 

John smiled wider at Alex’s rambling, even though Alex could feel his face burning up. What was he supposed to say, though? What was there _to_ say? Everything felt awkward, and stifled, and tense. Alex wasn’t used to that sort of tension with John, and he loathed it.

“I’m fine, Alex. Well, not _fine_ I guess, but you know. Under these circumstances, I’m as fine as I could be.” John replied, patted the seat next to him. Alex didn't hesitate to rush over, slipping his hand into John’s as soon as he sat down.

“I can’t believe he done this to you, John. When the line dropped as I was just so fucking scared… fuck, why did you never tell me?” Alex tried to keep his voice stable, but he could hear it wavering anyway. John eyes fell to his sheet at Alex’s question, one of his hands fidgeting with the bed covers, but he kept a tight grip on Alex’s hand with the other. Alex felt guilty for asking, but he couldn’t stop himself.

“It was just hard to talk about, you know? I didn’t know what to say, I was- I was scared to tell you.” John admitted, his voice growing weaker until it was only a whisper. Alex felt his heart crack.

“Why? Why were you scared to tell me, what did you think I was going to say? You can tell me anything John, I thought you knew that.” Alex felt the tears brimming his eyes at the thought that he might’ve done something that made John think he couldn’t trust him.

“Alex, baby, I’m sorry. I’m really _sorry_ , okay? It wasn’t about you, it was just my own stupid brain telling me not to say something when I could have. When I _should_ have.” Alex could hear John getting upset as he spoke.

They sat in silence for a few moments, gripping onto each others hands tightly. 

What else was there to say?

“I love you too.” John said after a few seconds, tilting his head up to face Alex again. Alex let out a teary chuckle, John joining him, and soon the two were laughing like two ridiculous, teary messes.

“I’m going to be okay.” John said after a few more minutes, although it seemed that he said it to reassure himself more than anything else.

“I know you are.” Alex agreed.

He wasn’t sure if he really did agree. If they managed to get John (and his siblings) out of Henry Laurens care and to get Henry into jail and away from them, then sure. John would be okay. But if they didn’t, and all of the kids were stuck in Henry’s care for however much longer, then Alex wasn’t sure if he did agree. If he _could_ agree. 

But he said that he agreed anyway. Because protecting John’s happiness was his number priority always: now more than ever.

John leaned his head onto Hamilton’s shoulder as best as he could, their fingers still intwined, letting out a gentle sigh. The air caused his hair (which was strewn across his face) to brush up against his nose, and his nose scrunched up in response to the feather light touch.

_How could anyone hurt this dear, precious boy?_ Alex wondered to himself.

The nurse came in sometime after that, apologetic eyes gracing her worn features.

“I’m sorry sweetie, but you gotta go. Your parents are waiting.” She said softly, and John looked up at Alex with a sad glint in his eye.

“Hey,” John said quietly, the nurse politely looking away to give them a moment. “I don’t think I actually said thank you for calling 911 and stuff. So thanks.” 

“What - of course, John. You don’t need to thank me for that, I- of course I did it. I need to go, but I’ll be back as soon as I can. I love you.” Alex said gently, lifting their hands to his lips.

“I love you too.” John said, leaning over to peck Alex’s cheek only to wince at the movement.

“Listen to me: rest, okay? You need to get better.” Alex said, standing up but not necessarily moving away. 

“I know.” John responded, letting go of Alex’s hand when the nurse coughed politely to get their attention.

“Love you.” Alex said, making his way to the door. He heard the faint “I love you too” just as the door clicked behind him.

Martha and George were still in the waiting room, holding Hamilton’s jacket, phone, wallet and keys with a sad but patient smile. Time to put his brave face on, Alex supposed.

“He’s okay.” Alex said before anything else, grabbing his things from his parents with a grateful smile.

“And thank goodness for that.” Martha said sincerely. “We were really worried for him, I’m glad that he’s able to get better soon.” 

“Yeah.” Alex agreed quickly while putting on his coat, distracted by a man in the distance. He had broad shoulders, and was just taller than John with grey swept back hair, gelled to hold it in place. His posture was stiff and Alex could just make out the grimace on his face. 

That was definitely Henry Laurens.

Alex was really, truly, going to fucking _kill him_. 

George managed to follow Alex’s eye-line just in time. His eyes widened and he immediately ran over to hold Alex back - but that didn’t stop Alex from shouting at him.

“Hey! Laurens, you! What the _fuck_! How _dare_ you hurt John!” Alex screamed from across the corridor, and Henry Laurens eyes flashed with panic for a moment before it fell back into its rehearsed scowl. Many of the nurses turned to face them, startled and ready to interfere if things got too chaotic too quickly. 

Before Alex could fight his way out of George’s embrace to quite literally fight Henry, the older man stalked forward before he had the chance. George’s hold tightened.

“Now listen here, boy” Henry spat, and Alex felt George tense. “I have no idea where you got this crazed idea from, but you better stop it right now. I would never hurt my own child, and certainly not so far as to put him in the hospital. I will not be accused of such a thing.” 

Henry turned around, but stopped when Alex called after him.

“What, you think you’re gonna get away with this?! I know what you done, Henry. And I’ll not rest until you're punished.” 

“Alex, that’s enough.” George said sternly in his ear, Alex cutting himself off as soon as George said it - although not willingly.

Henry simply laughed darkly.

“Washington, your boy outta learn some manners. Now if you excuse me, I need to tend to my _son._ ” Henry said defiantly, before heading towards John’s room.

“We’re leaving, right now.” George said, but although he had tried to come off a stern, he sounded more resigned than anything else.

Alex followed George and Martha out of the hospital, the nurses still casting a careful eye on his back. Alex’s eyes, however, followed Henry all the way out of the hospital corridor and into John’s room, where the door fell behind him. His fist clenched at the sight. 

The car ride back was as stiff as the ride there, with Martha trying to soothe George who was trying not to get frustrated with Alex’s outburst and aggressive behaviour. Alex listened to their (attempt at) kind and soothing words, but all he could think about was Henry walking into John’s room.

_Why was he going inside? What was he going to do to John - to say to him? How was he going to treat him? Was he going to abuse him some more?_

Alex squeezed his eyes shut at his thoughts. 

When they got home, Martha allowed Alex to go to straight to bed (considering the fact that it was just past 2am), but not before a long hug that left Alex breathless (and quite honestly craving it more). George hugged him as well, which felt strange, but Alex appreciated the gesture all the same.

When his bedroom door shut behind him, Alex looked around his room helplessly. He should probably update his friends on John’s progress, he supposed. But he couldn’t even find it in himself to turn on his phone.

He collapsed on his bed, feeling useless, unable to protect John. His one fucking job as a boyfriend was to protect him, and he couldn’t even do that properly.

All he wanted was to be with John. But John right now was with Henry. And who knows what was happening in that hospital room? Truly, Alex couldn’t bear the thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was super interesting to write from Alex's POV for once, and I actually found it a lot more challenging than writing from John's. I don't think this will be a common occurrence, but you never know! Alsooo I'm kind of tempted to give out my tumblr on here but I'm not sure if I could bear it haha.
> 
> As always my lil dudes:  
> \- WE WANT JOHN but we’re gonna get some alex idk it just feels natural  
> \- ALEX IS SAD and angry and WANTS JOHN OKKK  
> \- wow we finally get to see the group chat for once???? thats weird  
> \- give nurses more appreciation 2k17 how bout dat  
> \- SAD FLUFFINESS  
> \- yesssssss alex DRAG HIM


	8. srsly he shouldn't be a parent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hectic month, as always! My deepest sincerest apologies, as always! AND THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of your lovely comments and feedback, as always! I love you all!
> 
> On the plus side, I've officially left high school (whaaaaaa?). On the downside, I now have exams to deal with. Lots of exams. Lots of studying. Ugh I hope Uni is less stressful than this (just kidding I know it's not). 
> 
> Okay, on with the story!

A bang. A gasp. A fear tingling in the pit of his stomach, crawling up his spine and settling all over his body, uncomfortably.

That's how John typically felt around Henry Laurens.

Thus, when his hospital room opened up with a decidedly defiant bang, John felt a jolt of this dreaded, tired anticipation. He thanked his lucky stars that a nurse was in his room checking up on him during that moment as well.

"John, son! How are you, are you okay?"

The nurse chuckled sweetly, saving John from having to answer.

"He's a bit roughed up Sir, but don't worry, he's okay. Or he certainly will be soon - he's made good progress already." She smiled at him, her eyes crinkly at the sweet concern Henry showed towards John.

 _'He doesn't deserve your smile.'_ John thought bitterly.

"I hope so! I just cannot believe this happened. Do you mind if we have a moment?" Henry said solemnly, turned towards the nurse.

She jumped in surprise, "Oh, of course. I'm so sorry!" before leaving the room in a hurry.

 _'Please don't go.'_ John silently begged her, pleading with his eyes. She didn't notice though, and she left the room a moment later.

Henry turned to John - his face suddenly stony, but eyes manic. John looked determinedly at his sheet, not letting his eyes shift from the spot.

He refused to look at his father. His _father_. His father who - who had put in him in the hospital, kicked him until he couldn't anymore, _choked_ him.

John had a sudden urge to vomit.

No, Henry Laurens wasn't his father at all. And John wasn't his son. No, John was Henry's own personal punchbag, the thing he could let all of his aggression and anger out on whenever he felt too stressed, or had too much to drink, or whenever he missed his wife. But - John missed his mom too, and he wasn't going around beating up his siblings.

 _How_ could Henry stand to do it to him?

"I just had the most pleasant conversation." Henry said idly.

John's head snapped up in surprise, eyebrows raised. He didn't know what he was expecting Henry to say, but it definitely wasn't that. A pleasant conversation? John dreaded the thought.

When John didn't reply, Henry continued.

"There was a feisty little boy out there in the waiting room, long haired, fiery." He walked towards the window, gazing outside dramatically. John fisted his hand in the sheets. _If Henry said a single bad thing about Alexander Hamilton, then so help him. Hospital bed or no, Henry would pay for whatever he was going to say._

"Annoying, too." Henry prattled on. "But he did say something very interesting. Do you know what he said, John?"

More silence.

Henry banged his hand flat against the window. The sound shuddered around the room, and John breathed in a shaky gasp. _How_ was Henry allowed to get away with this shit?

"What do you think he said, John?" His voice was so chillingly calm compared to the loud noise of his palm meeting the glass.

"I-I don't know what he said, Sir." He let out quietly, voice hoarse.

"Oh, you don't know? Take a gander John, we have all day." Henry smiled, turning once more to face him. John cautiously wrapped his arms around himself, almost automatically, as if he was trying to protect himself. His hands grazed over his bandaged ribs, and he flinched. Over his tender ribs, or Henry moving closer, he wasn't sure.

"That he - that he was worried about me, maybe?"

"Not quite - worse than that."

"That he-he..." John trailed off. Alex hadn't of been stupid enough to out him, right?

"Go on, John."

"That he was glad I was okay?"

"For god sake, John!" Henry broke in, shouting as loud as the being trapped in the hospital would allow him. "He said he thought that _I_ did this."

John felt torn between feeling relieved and petrified. On one hand, despite what Henry seemed to think, that was definitely not the worse thing Alex could've said. Alex was strong-willed and determined, but he was also impulsive and reckless. John had gotten beyond lucky that this time Alex had managed to be so careful with his words.

On the other hand, however, Alex had still said something that certainly wasn't going to do John any favours. He'd definitely made Henry angry, and when Henry was angry he took it out on John: and now he was going to have to pay the price.

"I have no idea why he'd say that." It was a lie. Despite passing out a moment later, John vividly remember the phone call that he had made to Alexander. He'd kick himself if he could - he'd tried so hard, done so much work to make sure that Alex never found out and now... well, here he was.

"Maybe this is my fault then, huh? Have I been too obvious John? Or are you sure you didn't spill? Because, either way son, you ain't benefitting from this." Henry sniffed.

"I swear I don't know." John pleaded, fidgeting his fingers together.

"Well, I'll leave you with this, son. When you get out of here, we're going to have a lot of fun together."

John gulped. It hurt, because his throat was still tender from having his fathers hands wrapped around them from hours before. Although, he figured that there was still plenty of that to come.

 

\--

 

Days past. Two weeks past, actually, and John had been isolated for the entirety of it. His only contact was with his siblings, and occasionally when his father decided to grant him the privilege of talking to him (beating him, mostly). Henry took away his phone, cut off his internet: took away his friends, his social life, his everything. He couldn't even go to school due to doctors orders.

So he was stuck.

Stuck in his room, always. Henry didn't exactly let him leave it. He locked him inside, and would only let him out for meals. When he would sit at the dining table, it was always in terse silence. Mary-Eleanor, of course, was oblivious to it all, but Martha and the boys shot John deeply worried looks every time he sat down. Martha especially looked close to crying the first night he returned, with a bruised face and bandages covering him. She never dared say anything though, not under her fathers watchful eye.

So, by the time returning to school rolled around, John almost didn't want to go. He missed his friends, sure. He missed his teammates, and hell, he even missed some of his teachers. But he wasn't sure he could face the shame of going back after everything that had happened.

He didn't have his phone, so he didn't know how much Alex had told their friends, but knowing Alex, he probably told them everything. John couldn't even be mad, because he knows that Alex would only be trying to protect him. But the thought of his friends seeing his bruises and bandages and knowing exactly how he got them - it made him feel humiliated. He didn't want to feel like that.

"Jack! You have fifteen minutes to get up or so help me God." Henry said lowly through the door, and John groaned quietly into the pillow.

He got up eventually, tentatively moving to get ready whilst still being cautious of his bruises. It still hurt to move, but much less so than his first few days out of hospital. When he left his room to use the bathroom, he was stopped by a nervous looking Martha. He raised his eyebrow towards her, and after quickly darting her eyes around the room, she quickly shoved something into his hand and ran off.

When John peered down to see what she had thrusted towards him, his heart swelled with love. In his hands was makeup: concealer and power. She was trying to help him cover the bruises, risking getting into trouble with her father to do so. John looked back up quickly, and noticed Martha nervously peeking by the doorway of her bedroom.

"Thank you." John mouthed slowly, cautious of his father moving around downstairs.

"You're welcome." She mouthed back, even smiling a little. John smiled back.

"I'm leaving with the kids! Martha get down here!" Henry suddenly shouted upstairs, startling John and his younger sister before she grabbed her bag and ran downstairs.

"Enjoy walking, John. I suggest you leave soon." Henry called out after another moment. John was going to enjoy walking way more than Henry would realise: anything to get away from his father was a plus.

He quickly turned to put the makeup on in the bathroom, hesitantly dabbing the concealer over the bruises and rubbing it in like he'd seen Martha do a thousand times before. When it didn't look so purple and brown, or really noticeable, he considered it a win. He dusted a little bit of the powder over the same bruises with the tiny compact brush, then brushed his fingers through his hair before running to grab his things. When he got into his room, he noticed his phone lying on his desk. He decided not to question it but instead grabbed and shoved it in his bag pack, before running out of the door to make it to school on time.

-

  
Walking into homeroom was an experience, to say the least.

He shared the class with Lafayette, Hercules and Alexander, but he made sure to get there early before the bell had rung so that they didn't cause a scene when he walked in.

Of course, they caused a scene away.

"John! I was so worried about you, mon petit ami. We all were! So, so worried." Lafayette shouted as soon as he entered, causing the few students who had arrived to look over at him curiously. John sunk further into his seat.

Luckily, Hercules and Alex had the common sense to wait until they reached John to talk to them, and when they did, did so in hushed voices.

"John, babe, how are you? You haven't answered your phone for two fucking weeks, shit, I was so scared." Alex said in a rush, immediately grabbing John's hand and gripping it tightly. John's heart clenched with guilt at the thought of worrying his friends.

"He took my phone off of me. And I was on bed rest."

"Who did, John?" Lafayette questioned innocently, but John only shot him an unimpressed look.

"It's fine. I know you guys know."

Both Hercules and Lafayette had the decency to look ashamed, sheepishly turning their heads away.

"I'm sorry, man, but we were so worried." Hercules offered, along with an apologetic smile.

"I told them. I didn't know how else to help, John." Alex's whispered voiced cracked, the other three had the good grace not to mention it.

"It's fine, Alex, I'm not mad. Embarrassed, sure, but not mad."

"Embarrassed? Why are you embarrassed? You have nothing to be embarrassed about, dude." Hercules replied sincerely.

"Uh, I have just about everything to embarrassed about. I'm constantly having these weird mental breakdowns, I never get to see you guys much less be a good friend, I have a fake girlfriend because my dads a homophobic bastard and, oh yeah, to top it all off he fucking hits me as well. I have plenty to be embarrassed about." John bit back hotly, but immediately regretted it when all three of the others recoiled in shock.

"I'm sorry, man, I was just saying-"

"Yeah, well. Don't."

John rose out of his seat before any of the other three could reply, muttering an excuse about feeling ill and going to the nurse to the teacher as she was entering, before running out the door. His eyes were itchy with tears ( _again_ , God, why had he been crying so much lately?) and his head was on a constant run of _"holy fucking shit why the hell did you just do that."_ He'd be wishing for Alex for the past two weeks, all he wanted was him, and now he was running away from him. Nonetheless, instead of turning back, he simply ran on.

Only for Alex to ran straight into his back.

"John, please, don't run." He begged, grabbing on to John's arm before he could run away again.

John paused in his step, wincing at Alex's pleading tone. Slowly, reluctantly, John turned to face him.

"I'm sorry." He muttered, head down as though he was ashamed.

"Please, don't be babe. Why don't we go talk?" Alex suggested, letting his hand slip from John's arm into his hand. John gripped it back.

They walked together, outside of the building and on to the benches outside. Once they sat, they sat for minutes. Minutes upon minutes of heavy silence, the type that made both of their skins crawl.

"So, he took your phone off of you, huh?" Alex was the one to break the silence.

John half shrugged in response, before letting out a quiet "Yeah."

"Has he, you know, done anything since or...?"

"You mean has he hit me since?" John replied bluntly.

"Yes, John, I'm asking if he hit you." If John wanted to be straight forward about it, then that's what Alex was gonna be.

"No, he hasn't. He's locked me in my room, mostly. I've not saw much of anyone." Okay, so he'd slapped him once or twice, but Alex absolutely did not need to know that.

Alex sighed, his heart aching. What was he supposed to say that? How was he supposed to help him?

"We need to get you out of there. We need to." Alex exclaimed, turning to face John straight on.

"God, I wish. But Alex - he's a senator. And I'm his kid. And we can't prove nothing. I don't know what you want me to do."

"You're scared." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. John was terrified, Alex could see it in the way his eyebrows furrowed, he bit his lip, he fidgeted with his fingers.

"Yeah... yeah, I guess I'm scared." John relented.

More minutes passed.

"Hey, I like your make up." Alex finally said, smiling at the splotches of make up dotting around his face.

John chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. "Yeah, Martha let me at it this morning. I think I still need to get a hang of this blending stuff though." His cheeks were burning red with embarrassment.

"Well I'd say you done a pretty good job for your first try. You just need to -" Alex reached over and used his thumb to rub in a patchy circle on John's head lightly, mindful of his bruises.

"There." He breathed out quietly, his thumb lingering. John was close enough to taste him.

"Thanks." John whispered, letting his fingers encircle Alex's wrist where his hand was still resting against his forehead.

"No problem." Alex smiled. A second later, unable to help himself, he slowly leaned over and placed his lips on John's.

They sat, kissing one another chastely, their foreheads bumping against each other's every other second.

It was soft, quiet and peaceful. The opposite of John's current lifestyle, but he'd take anything that he could get.

"I missed this." Alex admitted gently, his hands reaching over to cup John's face.

"Same." John replied, leaning forward to kiss him some more. Alex happily obliged.

By the time second period rolled around, things the farthest they could be from okay, but at least they were back at each other's side.

-

_Alexander Hamilton started a new groupchat._

_Alexander Hamilton added: Hercules Mulligan, Marie-Joesph Gilbert Lafayette, Angelica Schuyler, Peggy Schuyler and Eliza Schuyler._

'Alexander Hamilton': ok guys, new plan. We need to get John out of there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I'm so sorry for the slowest update yet! I'm a poop. 
> 
> \- Henry Laurens: dick of the year I'm sure we can all agree  
> \- I miss the fluff I need to write fluff  
> \- Martha is the cutest little gem in the world she's trying so hard bless her  
> \- The squad love John sm but john needs a hot sec  
> \- Ok imma write some lams fluff right after some more lams angst  
> \- "ok guys new plan": DUN DUN DUN I like these type of endings lol

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, so this is my new Ham fic! I've not written for Hamilton before (and I've not posted anything at all since 2013 lol) but when inspiration strikes I guess. I'm really excited for this and I'm going to try to update regularly :)
> 
> Also: The title comes from the song "John My Beloved" by Sufjan Stevens.
> 
> Also also: I'll update warnings, characters and relationships as I go.


End file.
